Harry Potter: A Lifetime Original Sequel
by All Knowing Narrator
Summary: Sirius Black makes a very shiny return to the world of the living, old friends get hitched, and Harry goes up against his toughest adversary yet: the uncontrollable forces of love.
1. Leon?

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" 

Harry and Ginny flinched.

"RONNNNNNNN! RONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! WHEN I CATCH YOU, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"You're doing great, Hermione," said a doctor.

"Great?_ Great?_ She's completely mental," said Ron.

Mrs. Weasley rolled her eyes and put her face in her hand, exasperated.

"I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I—"

"Hermione, honey, just one more push, and it'll be over," said a nurse.

"ALL OF THE POWER IN THE UNIVERSE AND YOU CAN'T GIVE ME A LITTLE BIT OF COMFORT? YOU ARROGANT MAGICAL DOCTOR BASTARDS! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

A nurse came through the door, smiling.

"She's doing great," said the woman. Ginny was sitting on the bench next to Harry, gripping onto his arm so tightly her knuckles were white—she was very pale.

"_Great?_" Ginny breathed. "You call_ that_"—Hermione screamed again—"GREAT?"

"Yes," said the woman, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I've seen it get much worse, believe me. Especially the teens without boyfriends to be here with them."

"That's comforting," said Ginny, still pale.

"Hermione," said Ron. "It's going to be alright—"

"DON'T TELL ME ABOUT BEING ALRIGHT, RON!" she was screaming.

"So when, exactly," asked Sirius. "Did Hermione get pregnant?"

"At the beginning of the year," said Ginny. "Nobody knew they were dating."

"You call it 'dating', Ginny," said Harry. "But technically—"

"Ah," said Sirius. "Well, it's not like we didn't all know it was going to happen—and when did you two...?"

"Oh," said Harry, turning a little red. Sirius still didn't know about the baby. "Uh, a little while after that, I guess."

"Yeah," said Ginny softly. She wasn't really paying attention to the current conversation.

Sirius had changed—he was now swallowed in silvery light, his hair was white, and his black robes had been replaced with white ones. Where he had come from? Nobody knew.

"All I remember," Sirius had said, "was that I was wandering around in a dark place—a little like the dungeons downstairs, but I could never get anywhere. And then, suddenly, I was standing in the Great Hall, being screamed at by a group of Hufflepuff girls."

Harry glanced over at Mrs. Weasley, who looked as if she was torn between joy and anger and amusement at the situation all at once. Fred and George were in the corner—Pansy was there, hanging off of Fred's arm. Draco was glancing at George, who didn't seem entirely upset about it.

Harry gagged.

Ginny also shot a nervous glance at Mrs. Weasley, depressed that they had to do this to her again.

"OH MY GOD!" said Ron, suddenly appearing out of the door. "IT'S A BOY!"

Mrs. Weasley gasped.

Ron disappeared in a flash back inside the room.

He appeared again, just as briefly.

"AND HE HAS RED HAIR!"

"Not surprised," said Harry.

"Oh God," said Ginny. "Another Weasley boy."

Mrs. Weasley burst into tears.

"Is she upset or happy?" asked Harry, looking at her nervously.

"I can't tell," said Ginny softly, reddening. She wasn't really worried—any child of Harry Potter's would have to be the most spoiled, well-watched baby on the planet.

"One year over, only for another to begin like this," said Seamus, dropping into the seat loudly. "When are Hermione's parents going to get here?"

"They're here," said Ginny, nodding toward an exasperated looking fellow off to the side, talking to Mr. Weasley. "Her mom's inside, watching. Can't imagine why anyone would want to, but—"

"OH MY GOD!" said Ron, sliding out of the room, looking a little crazy-eyed. "Harry! Ginny! Come see!"

Harry and Ginny shot each other scared looks. Seamus shoved Harry off the seat.

"Uh—"

"C'mon!" said Ron, pulling him after. Ginny followed reluctantly, and soon after, so did Mr. Weasley and Mr. Granger, and Mrs. Weasley.

Hermione was sitting on the bed, all traces of pain gone—Harry stared with his mouth hanging open, utter shock stunning him.

"Hermione—?"

"Harry! Look!" she said, holding something that was very obviously not books in her arms. "Look at him! He looks like an _angel!_"

Harry didn't want to rain on Hermione and Ron's parade, but he felt this was an unfair comparison on the angel's part. After all, it _was_ a newborn baby; all red and squealing and the red hair didn't do much to improve the baby's lot...

Ginny was staring at the baby as if she was thinking along the same lines.

"Well, uh, what are you going to name him, Ron, Hermione?" asked Mrs. Weasley,

There was a moment of silence.

"Leon," Hermione sighed softly, staring at her child with adoration.

There was another moment of silence and then Ron scoffed.

Hermione's head snapped up and she glared at her boyfriend.

"_What?_" she said, more like a growl than question.

"Well—Hermione, you can't be serious—"

"I'm dead serious!" she snapped. "What's wrong with 'Leon'?"

"Well—" he said, looking around nervously. Harry was staring at him like he was crazy, Fred was looking at him as if he was the bravest man on the planet, and Ginny's eyes were as wide as saucers. "I mean—isn't it a little...girly?"

"GIRLY?" Hermione screamed, eyes ablaze with wild fury. "GIRLY? WELL WHAT WOULD YOU SUGGEST, GENIUS?"

"Well," said Ron, the tips of his ears turning pink. "I was thinking—well—"

"Out with it!"

"I was thinking 'Galvin'."

Hermione's brain seemed to be shrinking with the effort it was taking simply not to lunge at him with her claws bared.

"Galvin Gudgeon, you mean, Ronald?"

Ginny choked back a laugh. Mrs. Weasley rolled her eyes.

"Not those ridiculous Chudley Cannon's _again_," said Hermione, rolling her eyes.

Harry shook his head at Ron.

"Well, if you really think about it, Hermione, Galvin Weasley isn't—"

"Who said it was going to be 'Weasley'," said Hermione with a shrug of her head.

Ron stopped mid-sentence.

"But—you can't—red hair—"

"Can't I, Ron?" she said, looking dangerously close to murdering him right in front of their newborn baby. "Can't I?"

Harry, catching a glance at Mrs. Granger, couldn't help but notice the hint of—what was it? Pride?—on her face.

"Well," said Ron, sputtering. He knew he was caught. "Well...Leon Weasley is...it has a nice ring to it..."

Hermione immediately brightened.

"It does, doesn't it?" she cooed, beaming at her baby child.

Ginny rolled her eyes. Mrs. Weasley sighed, relieved.

"Leon is a wonderful name, Hermione," said Mrs. Weasley, peeking at the child over Hermione's arm. Hermione had a very fierce grip on the little Leon.

Suddenly, unfortunately, Sirius walked into the room.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Was Hermione's response.

"What in the—! Oh my—! It's—!"

"Hermione," said Ron, rubbing his ears, "you saw him earlier when we were leaving for the hospital—"

"In the Knight Bus, remember?" asked Harry.

"No, I—I thought I was hallucinati—wait a minute," she said, glaring between Harry and Ron. "You took me on the Knight Bus? When I was pregnant? In LABOR?"

"It was quite nice," said Harry, trying to calm her. "Smoothest ride on the Knight Bus I've ever experienced."

"Well—Still!" Hermione said, obviously angry. "The Kni—!"

"It was either that or the Thestrals, and we figured that—well, you know, you can't see them."

Hermione was staring at him as if he was stupid.

"Bellatrix, Ronald," she said lowly.

Ron turned green.

"Oh yeah," he said. "I forgot."

"Oh, I forgot—"

"Harry, Ginny, Mr. and Mrs. Granger, Fred, Pansy, George, Sirius...Draco," said Mr. Weasley. "Why don't we—give them a moment."

Harry was fully aware of the numerous things that could happen between Hermione and Ron if they were given a moment, but he didn't feel like arguing at this point.

"Yeah, sure," said Harry, pulling Ginny out.

Mrs. Granger, he couldn't help but notice, was beaming at the sight of Ginny and Harry together. Harry felt immensely guilty—they still didn't know.

"So tell us, Sirius," said the Weasley family once they were back safely in the hallway. "What is the afterlife like?"

Sirius stared blankly. He was getting shocked looks from everyone who passed them in the hallway. He tried not to notice.

"Well...it was...dark."

There was silence.

"...and?" asked Pansy, giving him a trademark 'you're stupid' look.

"Well, I don't really remember. I briefly recall running into an old school friend of mine, Robert Shorte, but other than that..."

He frowned, deep in thought.

"There was a lot of searching. I felt like I could always hear them on the outside—like they were together, or they were waiting for me...but I couldn't see them. And I could never speak to them..."

Harry stared. Ginny stared at Harry.

"Well," said Mrs. Granger, looking down the hallway. "Is there a cafeteria?"


	2. Secrets Aplenty

Harry and Ginny were sitting in the living room with earplugs in their ears. The baby—Leon—was now rooming in the emptied out attic of the Burrow with Ron and Hermione. Which meant, unfortunately, that if the baby cried—and he did—that everyone could hear it. 

Everywhere.

Harry was very fond of silencing charms, but it got annoying when they would suddenly wear off in the middle of the night and he could hear everything. Ron and Hermione, surprisingly enough, stopped arguing. In fact, the pretty much stopped doing anything at all; when the baby was sleeping, they were sleeping. When the baby ate, they ate.

It scared the daylights out of Harry, but as each day passed, Ginny seemed to grow more and more attached to Leon, who didn't seem to like Harry much...

"Why is he frowning like that?" Harry asked her, as he gave baby Leon to Ginny. "He doesn't like me much, does he—?"

"Well, honestly Harry," said Ginny, smiling at him furtively. "You're going to have to get used to strange looks from children."

Harry scowled and said nothing.

Ginny giggled and kissed his cheek.

"How's Leon doing?" Mrs. Weasley said, bustling into the room.

"Fine!" said Harry and Ginny quickly, putting at least two feet of space between the two of them. Mrs. Weasley looked pleased.

Harry felt guilty. He could feel his face turning red.

Again.

"How's Leon doing," she repeated, shooting them a grin.

"He's been a bit fussy, but other than that," said Ginny, studying baby Leon's eyes closely, "he's been great."

"Great," she said, not really paying attention. "And where are Hermione and Ron?"

She was folding towels. Harry shot Ginny a look, eyebrow raised.

"Uh," said Ginny, rocking the baby in her arms. "I don't know."

"Hmm," said Mrs. Weasley with an air of disapproval. "Well, I guess they must be planning for the wedding."

Harry was deeply hopeful she was right, and sat down in one of the ratty old chairs across the living room from Ginny and the baby.

Ginny was glaring at him.

"What?" he mouthed, shaking his head.

Ginny jerked her head toward Mrs. Weasley, who had her back turned to them, folding the laundry.

"What?" Harry mouthed again.

Ginny glared at him.

She pointed at Mrs. Weasley. She pointed at him. She pointed at herself. She pointed at her stomach—

"OHHHH NO!" Harry said, laughing tonelessly. "No."

Mrs. Weasley turned.

"No what?"

Ginny smiled.

"Nothing, mum. Harry's just hearing voices again."

"Oh, alright," she said, and went back to the towels.

Ginny glared at him as soon as she turned again, and shrugged.

"Well what are we supposed to do?" she mouthed to him.

Harry threw up his arms, stumped.

Mrs. Weasley picked up the towels again, shocking both of them into silence, and walked out of the room humming to herself.

"Well I don't know what to do about it," she hissed at him. "I don't want to tell her."

"You're the one who's pregnant," he said pointedly.

"And you're the boy who got me there, Harry," she said with an evil grin. "Oh, mother...I wasn't ready...I felt...pressured..."

"That's crap and you know it!" Harry said, crossing his arms over his chest. "You took off your shirt first, remember?"

"Yeah, because you asked for it back," he said. "I wouldn't have done it if you didn't make me—"

"I did not MAKE you," he spat, scandalized. "Remember? You were standing across the room, and I said I wanted my shirt back, and you just randomly took it off."

"BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TOO!" she hollered, disturbing the baby.

"I DIDN'T MEAN RIGHT THAT SECOND!"

"Yeah, well you got laid every night for a month afterwards, remember, so quit your whining."

Harry had nothing to say to that.

"Right, well," she said, turning red. "Do we sound American or what?"

"Tell me about it—"

"Harry! Ginny!"

It was Ron, coming in through the kitchen door. Hermione was following soon after him, with the twins and Draco.

Harry glared at the white-headed boy. George was smiling at him, however, and Harry felt sick to his stomach.

"How was Diagon Alley?" asked Mrs. Weasley, coming into the kitchen.

"Great," said Fred, glaring at George.

"Wonderful," said George.

"And—" Mrs. Weasley stopped as she spotted Draco, standing like a silver spoon in a drawer of rusty forks. She stared at him.

"Malfoy?"

"Unfortunately," said Harry, coming into the kitchen, closely followed by Ginny.

Mrs. Weasley was still staring at him.

"_Malfoy?_"

"Lucius's son," said Mr. Weasley, coming into the kitchen.

"Oh, right," she said, still staring at him.

"What's for lunch," Mr. Weasley said, dropping his coat on the coat rack.

"I was just about to—whoops!"

Trying to balance two baskets and a broom, the top basket slid over and spilled all over the floor. Harry spotted something he thought he recognized, and stopped in his spot.

Hermione gasped.

Ron choked on his butterbeer.

Ginny giggled.

"What in the—?" Mrs. Weasley started, and her words came to a halt.

It took Harry a minute to process what he was looking at and he immediately turned bright red. Mrs. Weasley was staring at it, mouth wide open, aghast. Mr. Weasley was looking at it, almost...amused? Fred was grinning and Ginny was starting to choke back laughter.

"What in HEAVEN'S NAME—?"

The Kama Sutra book Hermione gave to Ron.

"Who does this belong to?"

There was dead silence.

"SOMEONE BETTER—"

The pages started to turn in the light breeze from the open window.

"Dear Ickle Ronnikins," Draco read aloud. "May all your nights be very interesting. Love always, from your Hermy-own."

"Ron," said Mrs. Weasley, voice quivering. "What—"

"Whoops," said Draco.

"Shut up, Gaylord!"

"Hey!" said Draco. "Watch it!"

Mr. Weasley shot Draco an awkward look.

"Oh, great job, Ron," said George, glaring at him.

"George—?" asked Mrs. Weasley. Realization dawned on her. "Oh."

"RON!" George shrieked. "You great idiot!"

"Oh dear," said Mr. Weasley.

"Hey!" said Ron. "You gave yourself away!"

"Why don't you go sleep with Hermione, prat!"

"You leave her out of this!"

"GUYS!" said Ginny. "Quit it!"

"Oh, shut up, Ginny," said Ron.

"Wait a minute," said Mrs. Weasley. She was looking at the first page of the book. "This says June."

"Yeah," Ron said.

Hermione glared at him.

"You said that you and Hermione got together in November."

Everyone looked at the pair, who knew they were caught.

"Wait a minute," said Harry. "That would mean—?"

"Grimmauld place," said Ginny flatly.

"RON!" Mrs. Weasley screamed. "RIGHT UNDER OUR NOSES!"

"Well—" Ron tried.

"Well, Fred and George knew," said Hermione nervously.

"FRED! GEORGE!"

"WELL GEORGE IS GAY!" screamed Ron.

"RON!" George screamed.

"Everyone knows I'm gay," said Draco.

"I can't believe you would keep a secret like this from us—!"

"You know, Ginny's nickname at school among the Slytherins is 'town broomstick'?" Draco added.

Ginny's jaw dropped.

"Everybody gets a ride," he added with a sarcastic smile.

"YOU ARROGANT—!"

"YOU ASSHOLE—!"

Harry and Ginny immediately started after him.

"You know, Ginny," said Draco, watching, amused, as Fred and Ron held them both back. "I've heard that pregnant women can be moody."

Hermione's face blanked.

"You!"

Mrs. Weasley looked at her daughter. Fred dropped Harry, glaring at him accusingly.

"THAT WAS NOT YOUR PLACE TO TALK ABOUT, MALFOY," Ginny screamed at him.

"Ginny!" Mrs. Weasley said, shocked.

Fred was still glaring at Harry. Now George was too.

"Ok," said Ginny. "But, for the record, the only guy I ever—well, you know—was with Harry! And this...this..."

"Baby?" Mrs. Weasley gasped.

"Yes, well—"

Fred and George were coming towards Harry, violent shades of red.

Harry panicked.

"LUNA MARRIED SNAPE AND SHE'S PREGNANT—" it wasn't working. "AND...AND..."

"SNAPE IS HARRY'S FATHER!" Ginny screamed.

"YEAH! YEAH!" said Harry. "Oh, damn."

Hermione stopped.

"Wait. What?"

Ron did the same.

"What?" Fred asked.

"WHAT?" Draco asked.

"Er. Long story," said Harry, and Ginny shrugged.


	3. Harry Goes Streaking

"NO STRIPPERS!" 

Hermione was holding the phonebook in her hand and the baby Leon in the other, who was smiling as if he didn't listen to his parents fight all the time.

"What? Hermione—!" Ron said, looking scandalized. "Where—?"

"Don't act all innocent!" she yelled at him.

"We weren't going to hire any strippers, Hermione," said Harry. "I don't know where you got that idea—!"

"_Please_, Harry," she said. "I found _this_ on the table, and _guess what page it was on?_"

She shoved the phone book at him and he stared.

"Exotic dancers," he said aloud. "But Hermione—"

"I DON'T WANT TO HERE ANYTHING FROM EITHER OF YOU!" Hermione screamed. "I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED!"

She dropped it on the floor at Ron's feet and all he did was stare. She left in a fury, whirling out of the room.

"So then what did he say, Harry," asked Ron.

"Well," said Harry. "He didn't really say anything. Luna did all of the talking. Then she called herself my new mommy, and I'd had about enough after that."

"Oh," he said. "So your mother was keeping it a secret all along?"

"Yeah."

"But that can't be normal," said Ron. "Doesn't everyone always say things like 'you look just like your dad, Harry!' and whatnot?"

"Yeah, but—oh, I don't know," he said. "I just prefer not to talk about it."

"Ah," said Ron, going back to their chess game.

"So what are we going to do for a bachelor's party?" asked Harry.

"I don't know," said Ron. "I was just thinking we invite some people over, have some firewhiskey, and sing bar songs all night."

"Sound's thrilling," said Harry flatly.

"Well, what are we supposed to do? We can't wake up the baby," he said. "Actually, I wasn't planning on doing anything at all."

Harry shrugged.

"Are you scared?" Harry asked.

"Of the wedding?" Ron mused. "Not really. I know me and Hermione fight a lot and everything, but she's just stressed out. She likes me—"

Harry choked back a laugh.

"No, honestly, she does," said Ron. "She's really nice to me when we're alone. And...the other way around, I guess. All of this stuff with Voldemort and Ginny and now she has the baby to worry about, it just takes her already overwhelmed self and makes it even more...whelmed."

"Overwhelmed?"

"Whatever."

Harry lost the game and Ron and him got ready to go to Diagon Alley for new dress robes. Ron appeared at the bottom of the stairs around 7 carrying the baby in one of those baby carriers.

Harry stared at him.

"What's that?" Harry asked.

"It's Leon, Harry," Ron said, giving him a look like he was stupid.

"No, not that you stupid git," he said. "That thing you're carrying him in."

"Oh," said Ron, turning a little pink-cheeked. "It's, uh...Hermione's parents—"

"Ah, I see," said Harry.

They departed, but they did not see Ginny hiding around the corner, waiting for them to leave.

"Finally," she muttered, as they disappeared in the fireplace. "Idiots."

Ginny waved her wand and had the house spotless in seconds. Hermione was up in the attic sleeping, but she awoke when Ginny suddenly ripped the covers away.

"OUCH! COLD!" Hermione muttered groggily. "What the bloody hell is wrong with you!"

"You're going to want to get up," said Ginny tonelessly.

"What for," said Hermione, rolling over onto her back.

"Because everyone's going to get here in about thirty minutes, and I thought you could use a minute to freshen up."

"Everyone? Who's everyone? Harry and Ron—?"

"No, not Harry and Ron," said Ginny, rolling her eyes. "The girls. For your bachelorette party!"

Hermione stared.

"My what?"

"BACH-ELOR-ETTE PAR-TY," Ginny said loudly, stretching out every syllable. "PARTY."

"When did you decide to throw me a party?" asked Hermione, tugging her legs out from under her covers. "And who's coming?"

"Some...people," Ginny said nervously. "You know. Luna. Draco. Parvati and Padma, Lavender, Angelina, Katie," and with a look of disgust, "...Pansy."

"Help me find something to wear," said Hermione, suddenly nervous. "Where's my red top?"

Ginny and Hermione tried to find her something to wear, when there was suddenly a knock downstairs.

"I bet that's Luna," said Ginny, sticking her head out the window. "I'll get it! Go brush your hair."

"Oh, right," said Hermione, feeling her unruly curls.

Ginny hopped down the stairs and let Luna in, ignoring her tiny bump of a stomach.

Not long after that, a whole group of girls came in, carrying presents that looked oddly like bottles of firewhiskey. Somebody got the radio.

"Hermione, you can come downstairs now!" Ginny called.

It only took a minute for the doorbell to ring again. Hermione looked around the room.

"Everyone's here. Who—?"

Ginny raised an eyebrow.

Some of the other girls giggled.

"Oh no! Ginny—!"

"I did this for you," she said. "And believe me, you're not going to be disappointed."

They shoved Hermione into a chair while she protested and Ginny went into the kitchen to get the door.

"Hermione?" asked Ginny.

"Yeah?" asked Hermione, looking very afraid.

"Have you been a bad girl?"

It didn't sound like Ginny.

It didn't sound like Ginny at all.

It sounded like a surly, Bulgarian someone.

"Viktor?" Hermione screeched.

All the girls started to screech wildly as Viktor came into the room wearing his Bulgarian seeker uniform, dressed like he was waiting for a game to begin. Ginny snapped on the radio, to some American rap song Hermione wasn't familiar with, and started to dance. Hermione's face turned bright red.

"SHAKE IT!" Angelina was screaming, throwing money towards him.

Draco was sitting in the corner silently, saying nothing, shooting occasional looks over at the famous man.

Hermione could feel herself growing more and more mortified by the second, with every piece of clothing that Viktor removed.

"Ginny Weasley, you are my hero," said Parvati, staring intently.

Suddenly—

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?"

Everyone stopped, and Viktor turned, mid-strip. His pants were hanging off of his waist, and he was right in front of Hermione.

"Hermione."

It was Ron.

"Ron?" she squeaked.

"Ginny?" Harry asked.

She looked over at Harry, standing in the door, followed by Fred and George.

"Hermione, what is _he _doing here?"

Hermione was obviously terrified, and she had to glance around Viktor to even see him. He was glaring dangerously.

"Ron, I can explain," said Ginny, going towards him.

Ron disappeared out the door again, taking Leon with him.

Hermione stared after him, horrified.

"Pansy, what are you doing here?"

"Hi Fred," she squeaked.

"DRACO?"

"Hello George," he said, sounding almost proud of himself.

"Ginny—?" asked Harry.

"Harry, go get Ron, we have to get Ron—!"

Hermione disappeared out the door in a flash.

They did not know this, but miles and miles away, Alex and Rebekah, their mortal enemies, were having a fight.

"Bitch," said Alex.

"Whorecrux," said Rebekah.

"JUST BECAUSE THE DARK LORD PICKED ME DOES NOT MAKE ME ANYMORE OF A WHORCRUX THAN YOU," Alex spat. "I can't help it if he thinks I'm a more suitable host—"

"Ugh," Rebekah scoffed. "Suitable my ass."

"Jealous—!"

"OVER MY DEAD BODY—!"

Rebekah whipped out her wand, and Alex did the same.

Suddenly, back in the Burrow where he belonged, Harry felt funny.

He wasn't seeing right.

No, he was seeing right.

No he wasn't.

_Take off your clothes._

What?

_Take off your clothes._

I must've had too much Firewhiskey or something—

_Take off your clothes!_

Alright.

Harry started to take off his shirt.

"Harry, what are you doing?"

Harry stared off absently, like he wasn't all there.

"Harry?" Ginny shouted. He was now undoing his belt.

Harry slid off the belt. Luna raised an eyebrow. The rest of the girls stared in amazement.

"What's he doing?" Parvati asked, looking worried.

"I think he's stripping," said Angelina. "I don't know whether I should be excited or freaked out!"

Harry tossed his jeans aside and pulled off his socks.

Ginny's jaw dropped.

"Harry—?"

Harry dropped his boxers.

The girls gasped.

Harry looked around, dazed, threw his arms up in the air, and—

"WHOO!"

He disappeared out the door.

"Bloody hell," said Angelina.

"It's huge!" said Draco.

"I know," said Ginny smugly. "Wait a minute—!"

She disappeared out the door, but Harry was gone.

Meanwhile, Hermione was trailing after Ron.

"Ron!" she called. "Ron I can explain! I didn't even know about it, honestly, and I didn't—"

"Hermione," said Harry behind her. Hermione peered into the darkness.

"Harry, I can't find him," she said. He had his hand on her shoulder. She turned, expecting Harry's comforting, friendly hug, when—

"Harry are you—?"

"Harry?" Ginny came around the path, catching them.

Harry leaned in and forcefully kissed Hermione.

"HARRY!"

Hermione pushed him away, wide-eyed and confused, but Harry tried to pull her back.

Ginny sprinted off in the other direction, not knowing whether she should kill him, cry, or call Ron.

"_What—?_" Hermione screeched, shoving him away.

Hermione suddenly saw a figure standing between a gap of trees, jaw hanging open, a look of blood and murder in his eyes.

"Ron—?" Hermione gasped. "I didn't!"

"Harry—!"

Suddenly, Harry didn't feel funny anymore.


	4. Dear Diary

_Dear Diary,_

_Ron and Hermione and Ginny still aren't talking to me. Mrs. Weasley fixed my arm, but I think she was a little angry with me when she did it, because it still hurts. I still don't know what I did to make them all so angry at me—I keep getting bits of it in angry howlers from Ginny, but it still doesn't cover all of it. I'm a little worried. The wedding is in less than a week. Fortunately for me, Sirius is being really nice and letting me stay at Grimmauld place. _

_But still! _

_I wish they would just tell me what I did so I could apologize. But every time I try to send her a letter, I get it back in shreds. Even Hedwig looked a little ruffled; and I know she wouldn't hurt Hedwig. _

_And Ron._

_Well, I don't know what to do about Ron. _

_He was, after all, the one who BROKE MY ARM. _

_But Sirius has been really cool about everything. When I told him what happened—whatever few details I had—he seemed a little surprised, but not entirely...disappointed. I'm sure he's had some wild days of his own, after all!_

_But Ginny's the one who's really bothering me._

_I wish she would just SAY SOMETHING. Instead I get four or five angry howlers a day, each one more difficult to understand than the one that came before it. She sobs, and screams, and sobs, and screams, and sobs..._

_I can't understand a word of it._

_Plus she's pregnant, and she's saying that she's disowning me or something..._

_I don't even know if you can really do that._

_I guess she could name the baby 'Weasley', but I don't think she'd go that far. _

_At least I don't hope. _

_Well, it doesn't really matter. As long as they're all over whatever it is I've done by the time the wedding rolls around, well...I don't really care._

"Hey, Harry."

Harry snapped his diary shut.

"What do you want Sirius," Harry called down the hall towards the voice, shoving his journal under his mattress.

"I was just wondering if you wanted something to eat," said Sirius, appearing at the door, hair covered in messy brown gloop.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked, staring at Sirius.

Sirius stared straight back, exasperated.

"IT. WON'T. GO. BLACK."

"Huh—?"

"MY HAIR!" Sirius screamed. "I keep trying and trying and trying to make it not be white—seriously, Harry, I've done everything."

His eyes brimmed with tears.

"I tried magicking it black. I tried dyeing it black. I've tried red. I've tried blonde—!"

"Why blonde?" asked Harry. "Why bother? I mean, unless you want to look like a Malfoy or something—!"

"Oh, right," said Sirius. "Speaking of Malfoys, the small gay one is here."

Harry stared.

"Draco?"

"Yeah," said Sirius, cracking grin. "Showed up hours ago, but I was busy with my hair, and Draco seems to know an awful lot about haircare—"

"Sirius," said Harry with a grimace. "Ew. Does everyone suddenly have to become best friends with Malfoy? He's such an idiot—"

"That's very fine language coming from the boy I just witnessed writing in a diary," Draco sneered.

"Anyway," said Sirius. "He seems to know a lot about hair-dye, anyway."

"I really don't care," said Harry, moving out the door without having to come anywhere near Draco. Grimmauld Place was frightfully clean now that Dobby was stalking Harry again, so it was actually quite nice. But Draco brought a dark cloud with him.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" he spat.

"Well," sneered Draco. "Since no one else feels like telling you, and I'm sick and tired of hearing that mess of a girl you call your beloved blabber on and on about how ridiculous and stupid you are, I've come to give you a little history lesson."

Harry glared.

"What?"

"I'm here to tell you what you did, you sap," he spat. "Letter after letter after letter. You know she reads them, right? In funny voices."

Draco screwed up his face.

"Dear Ginny," he said in a squeaky, unflattering voice. "Please, Ginny, I beg of you! Tell me what I did! Please, Ginny, I just want to know—!"

"ALRIGHT, I GET IT," Harry said. "GET ON WITH IT!"

"_You kissed Hermione, you idiot!_" Draco said with an evil smirk. "Right in front of Ron and Ginny. Right in front of everyone, in fact. You were naked. Don't you remember at all?"

Harry stared, jaw hanging open.

"Well, I remember being naked," he said nervously. "And I remember Ron running after me, calling me a bastard...and I remember a lot of girls screaming...and...EW! HERMIONE? COOTIES—!"

"Is that all?" he asked, giving Harry a stupid look.

"Well...I remember Viktor in his underwear—"

"That's not what I was talking about," said Draco. "But you did kiss her. I have witnesses. Your girlfriend, for one. And her brother. You know...the girl you kissed's boyfriend."

"Are you having fun with this?" asked Harry bitterly, rubbing his forehead.

"A little," said Draco, smiling. "But, that's not why I'm here."

"Then what are you doing here," Harry said. "So you can leave."

"But—my hair," Sirius stuttered.

"It's almost done," Draco told him. "But, you know, I could just...not tell you—"

"FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, MALFOY, JUST TELL ME!" Harry shouted.

"FINE," said Draco. "Jeez, not very friendly. They've switched the date."

Harry stared.

"Huh?"

"THEY'VE MOVED THE DATE," Draco pronounced slowly. "TO TODAY. THIS EVENING. Actually, I'm the best man."

Harry's jaw dropped again.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THEY'VE MOVED THE DATE?" Harry screeched. "WHAT—?"

"Well," said Draco, "as it turns out, Ron and Hermione feel like they've gone through a huge emotional step in their relationship now that you've tried—and failed miserably, by the way—to come between them. Ron has always had a secret grudge against the two of you—as if, almost, the you and Hermione were to close, so to say. And Ginny, poor girl, has come to terms with the fact that you may not be as trustworthy as she once thought. But we can't have everything, can we? Ron and Hermione are doing much better now, anyway."

"What do you mean, 'secret grudge'? Hermione and I have only ever been friends," Harry said.

"Harry," Draco said with a small, insignificant laugh. "Harry, Harry. Does anyone ever truly trust the one who's best friends with their girlfriend?"

"Well—" Harry tried.

"Of course not!" said Draco.

"That's true, Harry," said Sirius. "James was always very protective of Lily around me. Always had to make it perfectly clear that Lily belonged to him, not me, or Lupin, or—"

"Snape?"

Sirius scoffed.

"Snape, like she would ever—"

"Oh, so Harry's not Snape's love child then?" Draco ventured.

The smile fell from Sirius's face.

"Huh?" he said, staring at Harry.

"Oh, someone forgot to mention that, I guess," said Draco.

"No he isn't—"

Harry nodded his head.

Sirius looked scandalized.

"SHE SAID SHE LOVED ME!" Sirius yelled.

"What?" Draco and Harry said at once.

"GOD!" said Sirius, and he disappeared down the hallway, muttering to himself.

"My mother—"

"We'll get back to the part where your mother is a hooker later, Potter," said Draco. "Or should I say...Snape. Or Black. Or probably Lupin, or maybe Pettigrew too."

Harry bristled.

"THE WEDDING," Draco said loudly, seeing that Harry was reaching for his wand. "Nevermind about your mother. But, you know, I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt this time."

"What on Earth are you talking about?" asked Harry.

"I don't think you meant to kiss Hermione, Potter," he said. "At least, you would never do such a thing in a right state of mind. If you've got the Weasley girl around, why do you need Hermione? You may be a prat, but I don't think you'd ever kiss her on purpose."

"She's not bad looking, Draco," said Harry. "It's not like—"

"STILL," said Draco. "Why would you sleep with her? She'd be giving you a lesson on Ancient Runes the whole time. Or telling you how you're doing it wrong, or something. I guess that's why Weasley likes her. With five brothers, he's bound to know every trick in the book."

"This is an awkward conversation," said Harry.

"It's all true, though," said Draco. "I've already asked George—"

"Don't even go there," said Harry, wincing.

"Nevermind," said Draco. "But there's got to be some truth to whatever you're saying. Ginny's too emotional to see it, but I have a feeling I might know a little of what's going on."

"What—?"

"I'll explain later," said Draco. "Shall we?"

"Don't ever say 'shall we' to me," said Harry said, glaring. "We're going to that wedding. And I'm going to be best man."

"You can have it," said Draco. "The only perk of being a groomsman is sleeping with the bridesmaids, and I want none of that."

He scowled.

"Anyway," Draco continued. "I have a feeling that once we get them to actually see you, let you talk a little, they'll honestly see that you have no idea what you're doing."

"Thanks," said Harry. "That's comforting."

"My pleasure," said Draco. "Oi! Sirius! Are you ready?"

"MY WHOLE LIFE IS A SHAM!" Sirius screamed from somewhere else in the house.

"Good," said Draco. "Let's get out of here, before we're late."


	5. The GrangerWeasley Wedding

_AUTHORS NOTE:_

_Yes, yes, dear children, I have not forgotten that people...well, everywhere else besides America, do not use the measurement of a mile._

_BUT I'VE BEEN UP SINCE SIX THIS MORNING AND I WAS AT WORK ALL DAY AND THEN I WENT TO SCHOOL THE REST (she lies, she lies! I went to school for an hour and skipped the rest!) AND I DON'T FREAKING FEEL LIKE LOOKING UP WHAT THE ACTUAL MEASUREMENT IS!_

_If it bothers you, then...well...go read someone else's fanfiction. YEAH WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE ME!_

Harry and Draco were on the Knight Bus, sitting uncomfortably close. There was a particular moment when the Knight Bus swerved and Harry was nearly thrown into the lap of the despised Slytherin. Harry gagged and jumped away. Once or twice, Draco made a kissy face at him, and then cracked up laughing.

Harry tried to keep his lunch in his stomach, and attempted to close his eyes through the majority of the ride.

"Next stop," called Stan Shunpike, "is The Burrow."

"Or somewhere near it," said Ern.

"What does that mean?" asked Harry, trying not to be wrenched out of his chair as they went around a corner.

"It means," Draco spat out in-between swerves, "That we're going to have to walk half a mile to get to The Burrow."

"Half a mile—?"

"You really expect us to drive all the way out there, 'Arry?" Stan asked.

"Are you joking?" Harry said. "You're driving—like—two-hundred miles an hour in this thing!"

"We've got places to go, Har'," Stan said, giving him a dumb look.

"This is completely retar—"

"THE BURROW!" Stan yelled, and the Knight bus came to a complete hault. Harry flew forward, mid-sentence.

"Well, somewhere close to it," Ernie said with a wicked grin.

"Thanks, thanks a whole lot," said Harry, barely noticing that Draco had just helped him up. "It doesn't make any sense. How come you don't fly all over the place on the Knight bus?"

They climbed out of the bus, barely touching the ground before they took off again with a crack.

"I've been riding the Knight Bus since I was about two," said Draco, stalking off down the dirt path. "Come on. This way."

Harry reluctantly followed.

"It's not really a half a mile, is it?"

"Yes," sneered Draco. "I measured it when I was going to Grimmauld Place. Because I do give a shit, after all."

"Shite, Draco," said Harry. "We're British."

"Right," he said, scratching his head, messing up his sleeky blonde hair. "Well, shite."

"Shite what?"

"Nothing, nevermind," He said. "Like I was saying—"

"PANSY!"

They both stopped.

"Uh-oh," said Draco.

"PANSY, STOP!" someone was shouting.

"I think that's Fred," said Harry. "It should be alright."

Draco was pale. "No, no it isn't. She hates me, that girl. Took it really personal, you know, when I came out. First she was upset because I dumped her for Icicle, and then Icicle kicked the bucket, and I started dating Alex, and she was evil the whole time, and then Pansy went all Warlock-ish and everything. And, well, you know...I guess George just threw her over the edge."

"But she's with Fred," Harry hissed. "Isn't that a little backwards—?"

"Well isn't EVERYTHING a little backwards these days?" Draco whispered, desperate, looking back and forth for an escape route. "I mean. Sirius? Hermione and Ron? Leon—?"

"No, you have to say it like Ron says it," said Harry. "LEON! You know, like you're Spanish. Drag it out."

"Lee-OWN!" Draco tried, stumbling over his accent.

"Nevermind," said Harry. "You're hopeless."

"Well, there's no way I'm running into Pansy," said Draco. "No way in hell. The last time I ran into her on accident, she nearly severed my—"

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR!" Harry screeched.

"Sorry," Draco said, and he darted into a huge clump of bushes.

"Honestly," Harry muttered to himself, walking along the path. He was coming around a corner, searching for any sign of Pansy or Fred.

He was hearing a grumbling somewhere down the path, but it was now too dark to see.

"Son of a bi—!" Pansy shouted, coming around a corner, spotting Harry, and flipping out. "Oh, Harry, it's just you."

Harry stared at her. He did not have pleasant conversations with Slytherins, and he was getting into far too many of them lately. And this sounded like the introduction to a pleasant conversation.

"How's it going?" she asked. "What are you doing here? I thought Ginny was mad at you or something."

"She is," said Harry slowly, reminding himself that he was in the company of a Warlock, after all.

"Well, then why are you here?" she wondered. "Wait. You're not here with Draco are you?"

Her features suddenly turned vicious.

"Er...no?" Harry tried.

"Good," she said, the flames dying from her eyes. "Because I hate him."

"That's good to know," Harry replied.

"Well, you're a little late," she said. "But I wouldn't suggest letting yourself be seen by Fred or George first, and DEFINITELY not Ron. Every time someone mentions you, he goes all—well, you know. And Hermione turns bright red, and Ginny runs off to cry. I'm sure if Charlie sees you, or if Bill sees you, they're both going to blow a gasket. But Percy might not care. I'd try to get in with Percy."

"Percy?" Harry asked. "What's Percy doing here?"

"I don't know," she said, shrugging. "Just showed up. Said he wasn't going to miss his brother's wedding, Ministry or no Ministry."

"That's...human of him," said Harry.

"Well, everyone seems to think so," she said. "Well, I'd better get out of here before Fred catches me."

"Why are you running from Fred?" he asked.

"Being an idiot again, as usual," she said in a bored voice. "Sometimes I just act like I'm mad at him so he'll chase after me. Keeps his self-esteem down, you know. Doesn't get too obnoxious with all that Gryffindor cockiness."

"Thanks."

"Well, it's true," she said. "Honestly. I mean, there's no good boy, you know. The Hufflepuff's are all boring. I tried dating Diggory ages and ages ago, but he was just so _needy_. I guess that's why he went to Cho. And Ravenclaws REALLY need to get their priorities straight. I mean, studying in the library, or sex in the—"

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR!" Harry shouted for the second time that day.

"Right, sorry," she said, turning a little pink. "Well, they're nuts. All of them. And Slytherins are all...well, gay. Or evil. And Gryffindors, unfortunately, think they're God's gift to the Earth."

She glared at him.

"Why are you glaring at me?" Harry asked. "I'm not the one you're dating."

Pansy stalked off without saying goodbye, grumbling to herself.

"She gone?" Draco whispered through the bushes.

"Yes," Harry said, rolling his eyes.

They walked the rest of the way there in silence, Draco shuffling his feet unhappily.

"Have a plan?" Draco asked as the Burrow suddenly came over the hill, lights from the windows burning brightly.

"No clue," said Harry, scratching his scar nervously.

"Watch it, watch it!" Harry heard a very French voice shout. A female French voice.

Fleur Delacour.

"_Excellent_," Harry muttered.

"What?" said Draco.

"Nothing."

There was more shouting, mostly light-spirited.

"Alright," said Draco. "I have to go in, because I've been missing for about two hours. I'll just pretend I'm drunk or something."

Draco stalked off, and Harry watched as his light steps suddenly became very staggered.

"Draco, where have you been?" shouted Mrs. Weasley.

Harry jumped off the road, into the forest.

This wasn't exactly a smart plan, but we'll move past it.

Harry snuck up behind the Weasley house to the front door (which the Weasley's never used, because they always came in through the kitchen), and peeked in through a window.

Mrs. Weasley was standing in the center of the living room, looking frazzled. Mr. Weasley was on the couch with George and Bill, who looked tired. He couldn't see Ron or Hermione, but they had to be somewhere. Fleur bustled into the room, and Harry lost focus for a moment.

"Harry."

"GAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Harry shrieked.

"Harry, shush," said Lupin, picking him up by the collar of his shirt.

"Lupin," said Harry, overwhelmed with gratitude for his old professor. "Lupin, how—?"

"Malfoy's son," Lupin explained.

"Oh," said Harry. "He would—"

"Harry, Draco has explained to me why he believes you went streaking and violated your friend the other day," Lupin said plainly.

"Violated," Harry scoffed. "Lupin, you make it sound like I—"

"Touched her when she didn't particularly want to be touched? Right. Well, he has explained the situation, and if he is right, well...then you're not to blame at all."

"How so?" Harry asked.

"I'll explain it later," he said. "The main thing right now is getting you into that wedding. And there's only one way to do it."

"Hermione—"

"Ron—"

Lupin looked at Harry.

"No, Harry, not Ron," Lupin said.

"Not Hermione," said Harry. "How could I—? After...you know?"

"And if you talk to Ron first, what do you think his reaction is going to be?" Lupin asked.

Harry had a brief flashback of a certain incident that involved Harry getting punched in the nose, an angry Ron, and Ginny punching him back.

"Well, you may have a point," said Harry, rubbing his nose.

"I think we've learned that at this point, the only way to get to an irrational Ron is to get to Hermione first," said Lupin. "And if you can convince Hermione, the one you actually kissed, then certainly you can get to her boyfriend. I mean husband. Or...whatever."

Harry rolled his eyes.

"They're way too hormonal to be getting married," said Harry.

"Says the seventeen year-old," said Lupin. "Right, Hermione. Wait here."

Harry scowled.


	6. Mini Chapter!

"SEBASTIAN?" 

Rebekah was gripping the edges of the birth certificate with an appalled look on her face. Alex was sitting on the hospital bed, holding one of those ugly red newborn babies.

She was beaming.

"VOLDEMORT!" Rebekah spat. "_VOLDEMORT! _LORD TOM MORVOLO RIDDLE! VOLD—!"

"SEBASTIAN!" Alex hissed.

"Everything alright dears," said the healer, suddenly appearing at the door.

"Fine," they said in unison.

"I heard a bit of yelling, I didn't know if—"

"Nothing, it was nothing," said Rebekah. "Just a small misunderstanding."

"HE'S MY BABY I'M GOING TO NAME HIM WHATEVER I WANT!" Alex screamed.

"HE ALREADY HAS A NAME!" Rebekah shouted back.

The healer slowly backed out of the room.


	7. The Broken Clock

Harry was hiding in the bushes when Lupin suddenly appeared, pushed him through the hidden from door and threw him up the stairs.

"Where are you taking me?" Harry asked in a whisper

"To Hermione's room," Lupin answered

"HERMIONE—?"

"It's going to be fine, believe me," Lupin said

"Yeah, right," said Harry, "The minute she see's me she's going to go ballistic. I'm going to be cursed or something!"

"Cool your horses," said Lupin, "I've already spoken to her. Draco and I have already talked to her about the situation, so–"

"What situation?" Harry asked, "I kissed her and I don't even remember doing it."

"Exactly, Harry," said Lupin, "you kissed her and you _don't remember doing it_"

"Well..."

"Don't you see, Harry?" Lupin whispered, "There are darker forces at work here."

"I hardly think that darker forces would be telling me to make out with Hermione."

"Granted, but how can we know?" Lupin asked, "We can't control Lord Voldemort, nor can we tell what he's going to do next."

"That's totally off-balance," said Harry

Lupin pushed him the rest of the way forward and up to the attic room, where Hermione was staying with Leon.

The door opened.

She looked peeved.

"Come in," she barked, "Quickly!"

Harry gulped, and felt himself being pushed and pulled in at the same time.

Hermione looked brilliant, having lost some of her pregnancy weight, in a simple dress made of shiny white fabric. Harry said nothing, however, afraid that obvious adoration would tempt Hermione sleeping rage.

"So," she said, closing the door behind him with a sharp snap, "You've got something to tell me?"

"Hermione," Harry gushed, "you have to believe me! I didn't do it on purpose!"

Hermione's eyebrow cracked.

"Well," he stammered, "not that it would be unpleasant or anything, it's just that—well, you know I don't think of you that way!"

Hermione stared.

"Hermione, say something,"

"I don't think that you meant to do it either," she said

Harry let out a grateful laugh.

"But don't touch me!" Hermione said quickly, backing away from him. "I still have to talk to Ron."

"Well, go talk to him," said Harry. "The wedding is going to start soon and Draco can't be the best man—!"

"Well, come on then," said Hermione, going around him (but leaving a wide beath?") "Maybe if I can get to Ron in time I can get to Ginny. But I have to warn you Harry, Ginny isn't very happy with you right now."

"I couldn't figure she would be," said Harry. "Just—just fix it!" he whimpered.

"I'm working on it!" Hermione said, annoyed.

They both went down the stairs, Hermione in the front and called for Ron around the corner.

"Yeah?" he answered

"Ron! Come into the kitchen!" she called, "I need to talk to you!"

Harry heard muffled talking in the next room and felt Hermione and shove him into the shadows.

Ron came through the door, but Harry could not see him in the dark.

"Yeah? Hermione? What is it?" asked Ron, closing the door behind him.

"I have to tell you something," Hermione whispered so quietly you could hear the Weasley clock clicking over her.

"Why are you whispering?" Ron whispered back with a chuckle.

"Because, Ron—"

Suddenly behind him someone, ran smack into Harry. A thin, young, female someone who was running her hands through Harry's hair, finding it familiar.

"What the—? That feel's like...Harry—?"

"Ginny—?" Hermione screeched.

The light clicked on.

Mrs. Weasley was at the door, looking quite bewildered.

Ginny stared, eyes wide, at Harry, hand still tangled in his hair.

Hermione faced blanked.

Ron's eyes switched in-between Harry and Hermione, confused and accusing.

"Ron, no, I can explain—!" Harry tried.

"You dirty—!"

"Ron, no—!" Hermione screamed.

Ginny gasped.

"WATCH IT!" Mrs. Weasley shrieked.

Ron laughed at Harry, and Harry fell against Ginny, whose fingers lingered in his hair. He scrambled up the stairs, tripping Ginny, in her bridesmaid's dress and will.

"C'mere," Ron growled, yanking Harry forward.

"RON!" Ginny and Hermione screamed in unison.

"WATCH OUT FOR THE CLOCK!" Mrs. Weasley screamed.

"HARRY!" Ginny screamed.

"RON!" Hermione screamed.

Ron grabbed Harry's collar and slammed him up against the clock, tipping it backwards.

They couldn't stop it.

It was too heavy.

"STOP IT!" Mrs. Weasley shrieked, grabbing the edge of the table.

The clock hit the wall and tipped forwards.

"ARGH!" Harry and Ron screamed at once, trying to stop the clock.

Ginny rushed forward, latching on to Harry's arm, trying to pull him away, as Hermione did the same to Ron.

It was too heavy.

The clock hit the ground with a crash, shattering it's face all over the floor.

Harry felt himself being tugged at, just like a portkey and let go of the clock, just as Ron did the same.

The room vanished.

Suddenly he was falling in a whirlwind of stars and magic, rolling through the night air and cloud.

Ginny was falling next to him, looking panicked but she made no noise.

In the distance, Harry heard a familiar female scream that could have been Hermione's.

"GINNY!" Harry screamed but it was obvious that she could not hear him.

And like a flash, they landed with a sharp crack.

"Oh my—son of a—"

Ginny sat up, muttering something under her breath.

Harry sat up as well, rubbing his back.

They heard screaming in the distance and—

"OW!" Ron screamed, landing right out of nowhere onto Harry.

"Get off me," Harry barked, shoving him off. Ginny was, giving Hermione the same treatment who appeared to have done the same.

"What in Gandalf's name just happened," Ginny grumbled, climbing to her feet.

Harry stood and looked around, spotting nothing recognizable to him.

"Hey," said Ron, looking around the forest where they had landed. "I know where we are."

Ginny too, was searching the forest floor.

Hermione was looking at her dress which had a brand new smudge of dirt across the butt.

"Fabulous," she muttered.

"Well this isn't far from the Burrow," Ron said, looking more than a little disheveled. His collar was sticking up, and his dress robes looked a tad worn, "See that Ginny? That's where we locked Fred and George under that pile of rocks last summer."

"Right," said Ginny looking up the hill. "If we go this way, we'll make it back to the Burrow in no time."

Harry was so bewildered that Ron was not chasing after him, he said nothing.

They marched through the woods quickly, so obviously worried that they were going to miss their wedding that Harry quickly lost hope. They would deal with him once they were married

It was no time before they reached the Burrow, but it was obvious that something was not right.

All the lights were out.

The guests were gone.

The garden was dark.

"What—? Ron?" Hermione gasped.

"I don't know, Hermione," Ron whispered.

"Where is everyone?" Ginny asked.

Harry walked right up to the door.

IN ROMANIA UNTIL JUNE.

-Molly and Arthur

"Romania?" Ginny said tonelessly. "Why in the world—?"

"This has to be some kind of a joke," Hermione said, panicking. "How could everything just disappear?"

"It can't have," Harry said, "There has to be some kind of charm around it or something."

"Really not funny!" Ron shouted, "Come out come out wherever you are!"

"Honestly, Ron," said Hermione aggravated.

"Well don't you get mad at me, I'm just trying to help!"

Ginny pulled her wand out of the strap around her waist, and pointed it at the door.

"Alohomora!" she shouted and the door clicked open.

"I almost forgot about that one," Ron said, following the rest of them in.

The kitchen was dark and smelled old, unused. There was a ticking sound, as there always was, but it was different.

"Lumos," Harry muttered, and the room lit up.

"That's better," said Ginny. "Lumos."

"That's not our clock," said Ron, staring at it. "Hermione, look at the clock."

There was a plethora of new names.

"Goodness," said Hermione, "Arthur, Molly, Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred, George, Ron, Ginny, Leon, Hermione, Harry, Julia, Fleur, Angelina, Draco, Pansy, Penelope, Artemis, Sam, Daniel, Lily, and John."

"Draco?" said Ron, making a face. "Angelina? Julia? Artemis? Daniel? Sam? Lily? John?"

Ginny looked a little pink-cheeked.

"That's a lot of people," the red-head girl said quietly.

Harry stared at her.

"What?" he asked

"Nothing," she said, not looking at him.

"No, honestly, what?" he asked, looking suspicious.

"Well—I—it's just that...well," she stammered, rubbing her neck, embarrassed. "I kind of just, well...I—I've always liked the name Julia..."

Ron looked at Hermione.

"Artemis sounds like something you would do," Ron said, "Like Leon. Trying to make yourself seem smart."

"_Seem?_" she retorted, raising an eyebrow

"You know what I meant," he said, "show-off."


	8. Julia, Ocean Child

"DEAR WORLD," Alex pronounced loudly, speaking as if she did not know they could hear her just fine.

"When did mum and dad get a telly?" asked Ginny, staring at the screen in awe. Ron was just as transfixed, eyes glazed over.

Hermione and Harry had seen a TV before, so they were not quite so amazed.

"The things muggles come up with," Ron mused, still staring at it.

"DEAR WORLD," Alex said again. "YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHO I AM—"

"Mum, they can hear you just fine," said the good looking boy to her right. Harry recognized him well, and judging by the way that Ginny grabbed his arm, so did she.

Tom Marvolo Riddle.

"Harry! Harry look—!"

"I see him," Harry replied.

"What's the matter?" Hermione asked, giving them a look.

Ron stared at the TV. "Look at them," he said. "Look at Alex and Rebekah! They're..."

"Thirty-five?" Ginny guessed.

"Ahem," said Alex. "Dear World, you may not know who I am, but you can be positive that soon all the world will know the face of me and my cousin—"

"Don't get me into this," the woman slurred.

"—and my son, Sebastian."

Rebekah was drinking pretty roughly, but she paused to point at Tom/Sebastian and mouth the words _TOM MORVOLO RIDDLE. VOLDEMORT_.

"What's she saying?" Ron asked, turning. Hermione was squinting at the screen, confused.

"My son, Sebastian, is the one you owe your allegiance to."

The boy who looked like Tom Riddle rolled his eyes. Rebekah drank some more.

"And he is going to take over the Earth! And you will all suffer, Mudbloods! And you too, Draco, just because I despise you."

"The Draco thing's a little old, mum," said the boy who looked like Tom but was called Sebastian.

"Shush, Sebastian," she snapped.

"VOLDEMORT," Rebekah said in a drunken slur.

"—Anyway," said Alex. "The time of reckoning is now."

"You are REALLY BAD at the threatening thing," said Rebekah. "Get a move on. Tell them how painful their deaths are going to be and let's be done with this awful thing."

"But I don't want to take over the wizarding world," said Sebastian. "I want to be Quidditch captain."

"Shush, Sebastian," said Rebekah. "I mean Voldemort, Voldemort—DAMMIT!"

"That is all, Muggles. Beware," Alex finished.

The TV clicked off.

"Is that it?" asked Ron, looking frustrated.

"I guess so," said Hermione.

"Gandalf, no," said Ginny, looking pale. "Harry! It was him, it was Tom Riddle—!"

"I saw him, Ginny!" said Harry.

Ron suddenly stopped.

"Wait a minute..." he said, turning slowly with a look of malice in his eyes. "Don't you and I have some unfinished business to attend to?"

Harry knew where this was going.

"EXPELLIARMUS!" Harry shouted, pulling out his wand quickly.

"OUCH!" Ron screamed, watching as his wand flipped out of his hands effortlessly. "HEY! GIVE THAT BACK!"

"You need to cool down," said Harry. "I wouldn't do something like that to Hermione on purpose and you know it, so back off."

"Wanker," muttered Ron.

"Ron, it's over," said Hermione. "He didn't mean to do it. He was...possessed or something. He loves you, Ginny."

Ginny glared at him like she didn't buy it, but she was too shaken up by seeing Sebastian/Tom to care anymore.

"I guess it does seem a little unusual,"said Ginny softly.

"Now," said Hermione in her no-nonsense voice. "It's time for us to figure out where—sorry, WHEN we are."

"There's only one place we're going to figure this all out," said Ron. "Diagon Alley."

"Nice one," said Hermione. "Let's get out of here, that bloody clock is freaking me out."

"Right," said Harry, following her over to the fireplace.

"You go first, Harry," said Ginny. "If someone's going to mess it up, it's going to be you."

Ron snickered.

"That was ONCE!" Harry said. "I've used floo powder a lot since then!"

"Of course you have dear," said Ginny. "Now, remember to speak clearly."

"Diagon Alley," said Harry, grumpy and annoyed.

The room before him disappeared in a whirl of fire and smoke and he slid out of the fireplace in the downstairs kitchen of the Leaky Cauldron.

"Wotcher, Sam," said someone. "You get lost again?"

Harry blinked, knowing that he was covered in soot.

"Sorry?" Harry said. "Sam—?"

"You're mum's going to be in a right state if she finds you here, mate," the woman behind the counter said. "You know she told you not to play with floo powder."

"Don't speak to 'im like he's five, Mable," said Tom, the barkeeper. "On you go, lad."

"Thank you," said Harry, sitting up. He never thought he'd see the day when people would mistake him for someone else. Unless—?

"Ouch, move it you great git," Ginny said, sliding out of the fireplace and hitting him.

"Julia?" asked Mable. "You runnin' around too?"

"Sorry?" Ginny tried.

"Ginny, shush," Harry hissed.

Ron slammed into them suddenly, swearing. Hermione fell out soon after.

"Honestly," she said. "Why are we all on the floor?"

"'Ey, Tom," said Mable. "Lookit here. We've got the whole set. Artemis, Leon, you know how mad your folks are going to be when they find you missing."

Ron shot a confused look at Harry, who finally scrambled to his feet and helped Ginny back up.

"Er, we know," said Hermione, catching on. "We'll be back soon, don't worry. They...won't even notice we've gone."

"Well, I sure hope so," said Tom. "I don't want to be on the wrong side of your mum ever again." He shot Hermione and Ron a look, and Hermione fumed.

"Let's go, Leon," Ginny said. "Now."

They scrambled out the back door and Ginny quickly tapped on the bricks.

"This is worse than I thought," said Ginny. "They think we're our _children_."

"How many children do we have?" asked Ron.

"I can only imagine," said Harry.

"Hurry up," said Ginny. "Harry, keep your hair over your scar."

"And you don't say anything too bossy," said Ron. "And don't kiss me. That will give them the wrong idea."

"What if I want them to have the wrong idea," asked Hermione.

"We'll save it for later," he said.

"Stop being so open about your sex lives and shut up!" said Harry.

People were looking at them, giving them smiles—some of them glares. It was obvious that they were very well known in the wizarding world, whenever this was.

"Sam Potter, and honor sir, please tell your mum and dad I said hello!" said one man in a pink top hat as he walked past them.

"This is weird," Ginny muttered.

"Sam! Sam Potter!" someone was shouting. "The name's McMillian, I was a friend of your dad's," said Ernie, shaking Harry's hand. "Tell your mum I said hello, Artemis!"

"It would be my pleasure," said Hermione, confused.

"TELL GINNY I SAID HI!" said someone else, jumping over the crowds of people walking down the street. "THE NAME'S MICHAEL CORNER! WE USED TO DATE!"

Suddenly, the four of them stopped.

Standing in front of them was Ginny. But Ginny was standing right next to them, covered in soot. Harry looked back and forth between the two, confused.

"Ginny—? But—?"

The girl was also staring, wide-eyed with terror.

"MUM?" The girl who looked like Ginny screamed, and took off in the other direction.

The trio all looked at their Ginny, and ran after her.

"JULIA!" Ginny screamed. "WAIT!"

They ran and ran and ran, dodging in and out of people, before finally reaching a very brightly painted shop, swarming with people.

"Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes," Hermione read, aghast.

"My lord," said soot-covered Ginny, jaw hanging open.

"MUM!"

They caught sight of that Weasley red hair running for the shop, and the girl disappeared inside.

They chased after, but soon, they all backed away.

It was very obviously them in the door, staring, a little amused. There were a lot of red-heads staring out the windows at them, amazed.

"We've been waiting for you," said the man with black hair and round glasses, amused.

Harry stared at his older self, completely dumbstruck.

"Oh my Gandalf," said Hermione, sliding behind Ron. Her older self looked even bossier than her younger self.

"Man," said Ron. "Look, Hermione. I'm hot!"

"Ugh, and what about me!" said Hermione.

"You look fine, you know you look—!"

"Guys, not now," said Harry.

"We've been wondering when we'd show up," said the older Hermione, probably recalling the conversation the younger Ron and Hermione were having right now from somewhere in her memory.

"Hermione," said the older one to the younger one. Young, soot-covered Hermione turned away from the shocked looks she was giving her future children. "You been missing something?"

Young Hermione's eyes went wide and she turned a little pink.

Young Ron shot her a confused look.

"Hey, Harry—" the older Ron started.

"JULIA!"

The older and younger group stopped, and Julia looked around her dad's shoulder.

"JULIA!"

Their faces turned to the sound of the voice, which was coming from a group of teenage Slytherin students.

"Harry!" young Ginny gasped, grabbing her boyfriends arm. "Look! There he is."

It was Sebastian.

...Or Voldemort.

"Julia, I came to see you!" said Sebastian. "I had to see you! I just came to say in front of everyone—in front of your parents, and your—"

He looked at the other Ginny, Harry, Hermione, and Ron, confused, and kept going.

"—Um...cousins, that I, uh—"

"Yes?" Julia asked, giving him a look Harry could recognize. It was a breathless, dazed look that Harry had received more times from his girlfriend than he cared to like at the moment.

"Julia," the older Harry said with a slight growl.

"I just came to show you how deep and pure my love is for you, and to demonstrate this, I will—ACCIO GUITAR!—prove my love in the only way I know how."

"Uh-oh," said Ron.

"Half of what I say is meaningless!" Sebastian sang.

Julia looked like she was turning to dust in the spot.

Young Harry gagged.

"But I say it just to reach you, Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuulia!" he continued. "Julia, Julia! Ocean child, caaaaaaaalls me! So I sing the song of love—Juuuuuuuuuuuuuulia!"

Hermione put her face in her hand, but Julia looked like she was falling for it.

"Julia, sea shell eyes, windy smile, caaaaaalls me. So I sing the song of love—Juuuuuuuuulia. Her hair of floating sky is shimmering, glimmering in the sun. Juuuuuuuuuuuuulia, Juuuuuuuuulia, morning moon, touch me—!"

"BACK OFF IT, VOLDEBOY!" Older Harry screamed.

"So I sing the song of love—Juuuuulia! When I cannot sing my heart, I can only speak my mind, Juuuuuuuuuulia! Julia, sleeping sand, silent cloud, toooooouch me! So I sing the song of love—Juuuuuuuulia! Calls me! So I sing the song of love for Julia! Julia! Julia!"

Julia looked smitten.

"Jaysus," said Ron. "This is going to cause problems."

Rebekah and Alex suddenly appeared around the corner, catching sight of everything.

Too many Weasleys, too many Potters, her son with a guitar and a drunk looking redhead. Alex gasped.

"Oh HELL NO!" she said, grabbing her son by the collar and she disapparated with him in a crack.

Rebekah waved, drunk.

"Catch you guys later," she said, and disappeared right after them.


	9. The Shaggin’ Wagon

"Well, I don't know what her problem is," said older Harry, biting into his bread.

Harry, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione were having pleasant conversations with their older selves, but they seemed to be the only ones interested in the subjects.

"Well, it's just that I'm glad now," said younger Ginny to her older self, shooting older Harry a look.

"Harry looks fine like he is at seventeen," said older Ginny.

"Well, yeah, but older Harry is _fine_," said younger Ginny.

"Yeah, well, enjoy geeky clueless Harry," the older said wisely. "You know how many girls I have to beat off him every day of my life?"

"Well, if you don't mind me saying," said younger Ginny, "I'm not exactly plain."

"Thank you," said older Ginny, beaming.

"Well, you know, I've done as much as I can so far," said older Hermione. "But do you know how hard it is, being part of the ministry and an ex-Auror, a published author and the mother of three kids?"

"I know I'll never give up on SPEW," said younger Hermione.

"Well, give up, no," said the elder.

"Granger's don't give up," said the younger.

"Weasley's do," the older Ron called, deep in conversation with his younger self.

"You know he—I'm right," younger Ron said.

"Anyway," said older Harry. "That wasn't the point."

"What was your point?" asked younger Harry.

"My point is that she's too young to know what's good for her," said older Harry. "She's only fifteen."

"Wasn't Julia born when I was seventeen?" asked young Harry. "Around Christmas, wasn't she?"

"Well, yeah," older Harry sputtered.

"So it'd be about the same age if she got—"

"DON'T EVEN SAY IT," said older Harry, and young Harry stopped mid-sentence. "She's not going anywhere near that reincarnated piece of crap called Stephen or Zacharias or something."

"Zacharias?"

"Or whatever," the older Harry continued. "All I'm saying is, she's not allowed to go on a date unless one of her brothers is there to beat the crap out of him if he tries anything."

"How many sons do you—I have?" asked young Harry.

"Several," said older Ginny. "Well, two."

"Sounds better," said young Ginny, looking panicked.

"Sounds better?" said younger Hermione. "You know how many kids I have. Besides, you Weasleys multiply like rabbits."

"Only cause the girls can't keep their hands off us," said older Ron, leaning back seductively in his chair. This point seemed to be proved, as two young girls walked by and stared at him.

"I've never made a point in being attractive," said older Hermione. "There are worse things a girl could be than ugly."

"That's not what you said last night, dear," said older Ron.

"Like vile, pathetic, immature—"

"Once again, that's not what you said last night, dear," said older Ron again.

"You're so useless," said older Hermione, but she was fighting back a grin.

Younger and older Ginny, and younger and older Harry stared at them, disgusted. Ron and Hermione apparently hadn't changed a bit.

"Well, I'm going to bed," said older Ginny. "Harry."

Older Harry also said his goodnights and went up to their room in the Leaky Cauldron. Soon after, older Ron and Hermione followed, still arguing.

"Don't worry about it," Hermione said to her normal, seventeen year old friends. "They won't be arguing for long. Well, we won't. I guess."

"This is all so weird," said Ron.

"I'll say," said Harry.

"Well," said Ron, getting up from his chair and yawning. "I think I'm going to go up to bed now. Hermione? Join me?"

Hermione glared at him for no particular reason.

"Fine," she said.

Harry and Ginny were going up to their room when Harry suddenly heard a funny noise coming from the alley way out the window.

"Ginny?" he said. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" she asked.

"That noise coming from outside?" he said. "It sounds like a dying cat or something—"

He pushed open the window and leaned outside, listening in the dark.

There was a definite screeching sound, but he did not know what it was. It sounded like a car, but...not, at the same time.

"What is that?" Ginny asked.

"I don't know," said Harry.

"Come on," she said. "Outside."

Harry and Ginny went out the door and around the corner, both too insanely curious for their own good. The squeaking sound continued, however, as they went into the alley way.

"Oh dear," said Ginny. "Harry, don't you recognize it? It's the Anglia."

"The flying Ford Anglia?" asked Harry. "It's...it's...shaking."

Ginny started to giggle.

"Where on Earth did they find it?" Ginny wondered, staring at it. The windows were foggy. "It's ancient..."

"HEY!" said a muffled, female voice. "WHO'S OUT THERE?"

Harry and Ginny shot each other a look. Someone rolled the window down.

"SEBASTIAN!" Ginny shrieked.

"JULIA!" Harry shouted.

"Oh, whoops," said Julia. "Hi...dad?"

"Get out of there this instant!" Harry yelled.

"Screw this," said Sebastian. "TEMPORE DESENDERE!"

Harry and Ginny barely had a moment to react before they both felt themselves being lifted off the ground and back into a whirlwind of time and space, falling and crashing until they finally landed, once more, in the empty alley way outside of the Leaky Cauldron.

"Heavens," said Ginny, picking herself back up. "What happened?"

"I don't know," said Harry. "But it can't be anything good."

"Where do you suppose he sent us?" she asked.

"No idea," he answered, looking around. "Come on."

Harry and Ginny both came around the corner once more and went to the door of the Leaky Cauldron. It was still dark out, of course.

"Oh, hello, Harry," said a familiar voice.

"Sirius?" Harry said, letting the door close behind him.

"ZE GRINDYLOWS!" a voice shouted, coming out of the kitchen. A girl with white blonde hair appeared.

"Gabrielle?" asked Ginny, looking confused.

"Why, hello 'Arry," she said. "Long time no see."

"Uh, yeah," he said.

"Sirius," said Ginny, watching as Gabrielle sat right back down next to Sirius, stroking his icy white hair. "Are you and Gabrielle...involved."

"No," said Sirius. "Not...technically. I'm tutoring her in Arithmancy."

"Sirius, you never took Arithmancy," said Harry.

"Yeah well, her professor doesn't know that does he?" asked Sirius, looking up from his paper briefly, only to look up again and stare at Ginny.

"Sirius?" she asked. "What's wrong?"

"Bun in the oven, sweetheart?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said dangerously.

"Harry, my man!" said Sirius, looking marginally more cheerful. "You and I are like peas in a pod, my friend."

"I happen to actually like Ginny," said Harry. "No offense, Gabrielle."

"None taken," she said.

"Me and Ginny are getting married," said Harry.

"Well, that's boring," said Sirius, looking glum. "But I guess you have to, now. Noble, or whatever."

"There's nothing wrong with marrying the girl you impregnated," said Ginny, glaring at him.

"Why do you think I'm single?" asked Sirius. "Anyway, so what's the name?"

Harry looked at Ginny.

"Julia, apparently," he said.

"Girl?"

"_Obviously_," Gabrielle hissed.

"Shush, Gabrielle," said Sirius. "You're not here for your additions to the conversation."

"I should dump you," said Gabrielle. "But I guess I'll spend some more of your money before I do that."

"Whatever makes your panties twist, dear," he said.

"Do you get the feeling that they're perfect for each other in spite of the fact that they're both assholes?" Ginny asked, leaning toward Harry.

"I guess you could say that," he said.

"Well, we're off to bed," said Sirius.

"Sirius, wait!" said Harry. "What year is it?"

"No idea," said Sirius. "Not sure. How long have I been dead?"

"No clue," said Harry glumly.

"Well, night," said Sirius, and he and Gabrielle went up to bed.


	10. Songfic Chapter Part 1

Ron and Hermione continued to have a furious snapping fight with each other in front of Harry and Ginny, who were sitting on the couch in the burrow watching them with confused looks on their faces. Hermione and Ron had appeared from the future only a few hours earlier, both looking angry, but telling no one what they were actually angry about. Harry and Ginny could guess, but there was no way they could really know. Ron and Hermione could have been angry about anything. 

"Harry," Ginny whispered. "What are they doing?"

"SHHHHHHHHH!" Hermione hissed, whirling on them suddenly. "You're going to wake up Leon!"

"Oh," Harry said, a little too loudly for Hermione's taste. "Sorry!" he said, a little softer.

Ron was standing behind her, glaring.

"Well, it's just that we don't know what you're doing," Harry said, trying to explain himself. "I don't know why you're snapping at each other—"

At that, Hermione and Ron started to snap at each other once more, furiously, and Ginny and Harry sank back into the ragged old couch, feeling silenced. They shot looks between the two, finding the evidence of Ron and Hermione's insanity to be quite clear.

Draco walked in through the door to the kitchen eating an apple, and leaned up against the door frame in his very Slytherin, seductive, rich-people sort of way.

"Ouch," he said, watching the snapping fight with limited interest.

Ron snapped back at her.

"Whoa," Draco said, laughing slyly.

"You understand this garbage?" Harry asked, giving him a suspicious and unbelieving look.

"Oh yeah," said Draco, nodding. "It's really quite easy. All you have to do is—"

Draco stopped, obviously silenced by something Ron had just snapped at Hermione, as was clear by her scandalized look and furious expression.

"OH!" said Draco. "BURN!"

Hermione was silent, still furious. Ron looked satisfied, however briefly.

"YOU ARROGANT HYPOCRITE!" she said, and she shoved Ron with all her might. He fell onto the couch in between Harry and Ginny.

"Watch it, Ron!" Ginny barked. "I'm in a delicate condition!"

There was a wailing sound from the upstairs, and Hermione swirled around in a fit of anger and rage and stomped up the stairs muttering words like "impossible" and "the nerve" to herself.

"What was that all about," said Harry, now pushed uncomfortably into both the hard armrest and Ron's shoulder.

"Ron," said Ginny, who was also being pushed into an armrest. "MOVE."

"I'll move when I'm good and ready," he said.

She must have pinched him, because the next second, he was removing himself from the couch and squealing like a girl.

"RON!" Hermione hollered from upstairs. "THE BABY!"

"Coming," he said, rolling his eyes. "Chess, Harry. It ruins everything."

Ron stomped up the stairs, and Draco took the opportunity to drop in the spot between Harry and Ginny, still chewing on his apple. Harry immediately recoiled, having no wish to touch him but nowhere to go except farther into the armrest.

"That was rough," said Draco, spitting out a little bit of apple. For a rich person, he didn't have very good manners.

"What did they say?" asked Ginny, shooting Harry a look from behind Draco's white blond head.

"I don't think I should tell you," said Draco, shaking his head. "I guess it's going to come out eventually. I can't believe you don't know!"

"Don't know what?" asked Harry, pulling farther and farther away from him.

"Nevermind," said Draco, leaning back into the couch and putting one arm around Ginny's shoulder and another around Harry's.

Harry turned to him with a look of contempt.

"Why are you touching me?" he asked.

"I think you're girlfriend likes it," was all Draco said.

"You're an ugly git!" Harry said, removing himself from Draco's arm and standing, feeling very dirty and violated.

"Fine," said Draco, pulling a puzzled looking Ginny even closer to him. "More for your girlfriend."

"Harry," she said. "Save me please."

Once Draco had been thoroughly beaten up for one afternoon, Harry and Ginny went upstairs to find Hermione and Ron, who were being awful quiet. Leon must have finally been asleep.

"Sing it, Ron!" said Hermione from inside their room. Ginny and Harry leaned in closer towards the crack in the door.

"But—Hermione—gah, I don't want to!"

"It's not about what you want to do, Ron," she said. "If you never sing he's never going to go to sleep, and we can never go back to our argument."

"What's wrong with that?"

"If we never get back to our argument, we can never get back to chess," she said. Harry shot Ginny a confused look, hoping "chess" didn't mean what he thought it did.

"Fine," said Ron, clearing his throat nervously. "_Now it's time to say good night—Good night, sleep tight. Now the sun turns out his light, good night, sleep tight Dream sweet dreams for me, dream sweet dreams for you..._"

Harry turned to Ginny, trying to force a smirk down. Ron could...sing? Ginny looked as if she was attempting to do the same, her lips screwed into a tight grimace.

"_Close your eyes and I'll close mine, good night, sleep tight. Now the moon begins to shine, good night, sleep tight—dream sweet dreams for me, dream sweet dreams for you..._"

The song continued and Ginny and Harry slowly snuck away from the door, not wanting to alert Ron and Hermione of their presence. After all, they would be parents soon, and if Harry had to serenade the baby with the Beatles so it would go to sleep, well...then that was just how it was going to be.

The next day, however, was Ron and Hermione as well as Harry and Ginny's new and improved combined wedding. The Dursley's said only "What wedding? Ginny whatsit?", but Wormtail sent his love from prison.

Ginny was looking a little more pregnant than usual and spent the grand majority of the morning trying to make herself look skinnier. Fluer complained the whole morning as well ("Eet iz SUCH a botheer to hav' to come back AGAIN for ANOTHER WEDDING," she whined, completely ignoring the fact that the first had been her own). Ron seemed fine, and spent most of the morning tending to baby Leon, and Harry spent a lot of time trying to calm his hair. Hermione seemed to be in the best mood, however, completely ignoring the fact that she had just had what Harry and Ginny could only assume was a massive fight just the day before.

"Ron, hurry up," said Harry, standing outside the bathroom door. "Stop brushing your hair."

Ron opened the door in a fury, looking peeved.

"My hair doesn't need brushing," he said. "Unlike yours."

Ron followed Harry down the stairs, ruffling whatever it was that Harry had tried to do with his hair before they walked outside. Harry had a strong urge to kick him, but he didn't want to ruin his own wedding.

"Ready to go boys?" asked Percy, appearing out of nowhere.

"Percy!" said Harry.

"Hello, Harry," he said. "Thanks for ruining the last wedding, Potter. I didn't even get to see my baby sister before you dragged her into another one of your schemes."

"I don't have schemes," Harry said, feeling burned.

"Harry," said Ron. "Wedding."

"Right," said Harry.

"Well, see you in the ceremony," said Percy, walking out the door cheerily.

The wedding began and Harry felt oddly like he had at the Yule Ball, all dressed up and right in front of anyone, Rita Skeeter on the front row with her Quick-Notes Quill, shooting suspicious looks at Sirius and Gabrielle. Hermione came outside first, looking as if Ron could do no wrong and she was always the happiest woman in the world. Ginny appeared next, a slight flush creeping up her neck and Harry could tell she was worried about looking pregnant.

Not that it mattered. Leon was sitting on the front row with Mrs. Weasley.

Harry couldn't help himself from looking out over the crowd, however. Rufus Scrimgeour was sitting in the back, looking bored. George and Draco sat on one side, and Fred and Pansy sat on the other. Lupin was there with Tonks, Mad-eye's eye was whirling all around, and Cho was sitting on the second row, crying, much to Harry's dismay, but not to his surprise.

When it was all over, Harry and Ginny sat at the table together talking and eating, trying to ignore all of the well-wishers and drunk people.

"Shush, Ron," Hermione hissed from beside them.

This was Harry and Ginny's first warning that there was trouble.

"I don't even know what you're on about," Ron whispered back, rolling his eyes at her. "I can't control what she said to me."

"What she said to you?" Hermione said, growing a little louder. "Said—Ron, she was all over you!"

"Well, we kind of have a history, Hermione," he said.

"History, _right_," she said. "You so bravely saved her when you were in an enchanted sleep from all of the Grindylows!"

"You're just jealous," he said. "Where's your big savior Viktor, Hermione? Last I heard, he was snogging Angelina Johnson on the cover of Quidditch Monthly."

"You're such a jerk!" she said. "Like you're the only one who ever has admirers!"

"Hermione, don't start," he said. "Not today."

"I didn't start it," she said, stabbing some salad with her fork angrily. "I wasn't the one hanging all over a veela like a shameless hound dog."

Hermione stood from the table and looked as if she was going to storm away, when suddenly they heard a familiar sound.

Ron singing.

Again.

"_Every single day, I walk down the street, I hear people say, "Baby's so sweet". Ever since puberty, everybody stares at me—boys, girls—I can't help it baby! So be kind, and don't lose your mind Just remember that I'm your baby, take me for what I am! Who I was meant to be, and if you give a damn, take me baby or leave me, take me baby or leave me. A tiger in a cage can never see the sun, This...boy...needs his stage, baby - let's have fun! You are the one I choose, folks would kill to fill your shoes! You love the limelight too, now baby, so be mine, but don't waste my time cryin' "O' Honeybear - are you still my my my baby?_"

Ginny and Harry looked at Hermione, not having any idea how she was supposed to respond to that, but were surprised.

And not exactly in a good way.

"Don't. You. Dare," she said stiffly.

"_Take me for what I am!_" Ron continued. "_Who I was meant to be, and if you give a damn, take me baby or leave me! No way, can I be what I'm not, but hey—don't you want your boy hot? Don't fight, don't lose your head, 'cause every night—who's in your bed? Who, who's in your bed, baby? Kiss, Pookie._"

"_It won't work_," she sang back. Harry and Ginny gave her a look of horror. "_I look before I leap, I love margins and discipline, I make lists in my sleep! Baby what's my sin? Never quit—I follow through. I hate mess, but I love you! What to do with my impromptu baby? So be wise 'cause this girl satisfies! You've got a prize, but don't compromise! You're one lucky baby—take me for what I am!_"

"_A control freak,_" he sang dryly.

"_Who I was meant to be!_" she nearly spat back.

"_A snob, yet over-attentive,_" he said in return.

"_And if you give a damn—!_" she tried.

"_A lovable, droll geek_," he replied.

"_Take me baby or leave me!_"

"_And anal retentive,_" was his only reply.

"_That's it!_" They sang in unison.

"_The straw that breaks my back!_" Hermione sang, looking infuriated.

"_I quit!_" They sang together.

"_Unless you take it back!_" Hermione warned.

"_Can't live with them or without them!_" They continued together. "_Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be! And if you give a damn, take me baby or leave me! Take me baby, or leave me! Guess I'm leaving! I'm GONE!_"

The onlookers were dead silent as Ron and Hermione both stormed off in opposite directions. Harry was holding Leon in his arms like a dutiful uncle, but he could hardly control his indignation as they stormed off and left him there with the small child.

"Blimey," said Seamus, sitting down in Ron's chair and eating some of his chicken. "What do you reckon that was all about?"

Ginny could only stare, jaw hanging open, dazed.

"You gonna eat that?" asked Seamus, pointing at Harry's plate. He did not reply.


	11. HOMG YOU GUYS GUESS WHAT

http/i24. THERE.

I.e. Harry Potter: The Lifetime Original Sequel will be on a who-knows-how-long mother of a hiatus, as Alex and I are currently separated by at least two or three hours.

Now go back to your knitting. I'll go back to your mom.


	12. What happened to songfic chapter part 2?

_AUTHORS NOTES: Harry Potter: A Lifetime Original Movie and Original Sequel were both placed at the very back of both of our minds for the semester (and the summer, as there was some nasty business going on there—I won't elaborate too much, but let's just say that there's a good possibility that later on in the series, there might be a "new" dark lord named Joshua). For about seven months now, the only thing we had of our main man sequel here is a couple of paragraphs, and it's been so long that...we can't remember what they mean. Such is life. We'll make something of it. I promise._

_Alex, for example, was trying her best to pass anatomy, while I was over in Denton being mostly lazy, but I did get started on a book of my own creation. We're hoping that the Christmas break will be good for sequel, but even if it isn't, I'll go ahead and promise another chapter this month and one over spring break and even more once the summer gets rolling. In the fall Alex will most likely join me in Denton to go to TWU so be not afraid, young fangirllings!_

_Merry Christmas, everyone! Merry Christmas to all (I'll even be nice and extend the warmth to HPFanatic23, who I normally hate)._

_And also, if we ever mentioned any hint of remus/tonks, ignore it :D_

_Happy reading!_

**Chapter Twelve**

"Harry, I don't know what I'm supposed to do to help Hermione and Ron get back together," Ginny said, looking completely exasperated. She was holding Leon, and there was thin layer of sweat on her forehead, and her eyes were red and wide.

"Well, I don't know what to do about them," Harry said. "If you have any ideas, by all means..."

"They're impossible," said Ginny, rolling her eyes. "What kind of a person leaves a baby with the aunt and uncle two months after it's born?"

"Two of the craziest people alive," said Harry.

"I wonder what kind of magic it requires to create a child like this," said Ginny, as she was trying to fight her limp red hair from her little baby nephew. "He keeps shocking me."

"Can you imagine what kind of sexual drive any child of Ron and Hermione's is going to have when their an adult?" said Harry. "Red hair. Stubborn. And smart as all get out. Like superman, only hornier."

"Who's superman?" asked Ginny, now looking very worried for her hair.

"You know," said Harry, ignoring the question. "That's the good thing about Ron and Hermione. You can always at least trust them to get back together because sooner or latter, they're both going to be too hot and unable to stand it anymore."

"It's really sad, isn't it?" asked Ginny. "But the whole parenting practice is useful. I always wondered if I was going to end up taking care of my brothers' various offspring."

"Ginny, do you need any help?" asked Mrs. Weasley, but she was pulling a glove onto her hand, and she was wearing more makeup than usual, so Harry already knew she was going out for the night. He missed free Saturdays at Hogwarts, when all he had to do was sit around in the common room talking about Quidditch. Now it was babies and Draco and George getting engaged and Sirius either trying to kill himself or dye his hair black again.

"No, we're fine," said Ginny, but Harry knew he did not feel fine and Ginny certainly didn't look like she was fine either.

"Just give us a ring, baby," she said, and then turned back to the kitchen. "Ready to go Arthur?"

"You know, Harry," said Ginny, smiling grimly. "I know last year was horrible, and all, and we were going to take a year off from school. But I'm really ready to track Hermione and Ron down, give them this baby, and tell them I'm going back to Hogwarts. I don't care if I'm pregnant. I'm having Harry Potter's child, and I'm proud."

"That's my girl," Harry whispered, planting a kiss on her cheek. "And I feel exactly the same way."

"They're ridiculous," said Ginny. "They can't always be fighting like this around the children."

"Don't be silly," said Harry. "The sex will bring them back together. The sex always wins."

"It sure does," said Ginny.

"I resent that," said a familiar voice, and they both suddenly caught sight of Ron in the doorway, looking grumpy.

"Well well well," said Harry, scowling at him. "If it isn't Hogwarts' Dad of the Year."

"Funny," said Ron. "Yeah, that's really clever. Sit here guffawing away at me as much as you like, because that's exactly what I need."

He took Leon from Ginny and Leon went to Ron, the vindictive look on the baby's face miraculously disappearing. They both seemed content once again, as he walked back into the kitchen.

"MOM!" he called.

"Too late, Ronnikins," said Ginny. "They went out for the night or something like that."

"Good," said Ron. "I didn't want to talk to them anyway."

"Then why were you calling for her?" asked Ginny.

"To make sure I wouldn't get in trouble for breaking into the firewhiskey," he said.

"Ron!" said Ginny, immediately going into the kitchen, looking very reminiscent of Mrs. Weasley. Harry followed after her quickly. "You can't get into the firewhiskey. Mom's going to find out, and anyway, you need to be watching the baby!"

She fell silent when she caught sight of who was currently sitting in the dim kitchen at the table. Luna and Snape. Luna looked dazed as usual. Snape sneered as he walked into the room, and Harry rolled his eyes. That was one way to be greeted by his own father (even if he secretly still didn't buy it). They were just too different. And let's face it—Snape still hated James for some reason.

"Well, aren't you going to say hello to your stepmother and your dad?" asked Luna, looking expectant.

"No," said Harry.

"Aren't you going to say hello to Harry's new wife?" asked Ginny.

"I hardly consider us related," Snape sneered.

Harry rolled his eyes.

"I wasn't going to get drunk," said Ron, shooting Harry a look. "I was simply going to offer Snape a drink."

"I want a drink," said Luna, staring at her stomach begrudgingly.

"Besides," said Ron, staggering a bit, and they kind of understood that he was sort of already drunk. "I just got back from having a couple with Fred and George."

"What about George," said Draco, coming into the room.

"Where have you been?" asked Harry, looking a little afraid.

"Oh, you know," said Draco. "Here. There. We're engaged, but I still spend a lot of time spying on George."

"I know," said Ron. "Sometimes you spy on me."

"Only when I'm mad at George," said Draco. "And I only spy on her when I'm not mad at my father, which is almost never. The key word being _almost_, of course."

Ginny shivered, and looked violated.

"So when is Hermione getting back?" asked Luna.

"Oh, who cares," said Ron, shaking his head. "Oh, who am I kidding? When is she getting back, Ginny? I'm bored."

"I'm afraid to tell you," said Ginny, hesitating, "but I think you're going to have to apologize to her."

"I don't want to apologize to her," said Ron. "She knows what happened with Gabrielle. The girl was stone drunk, and now Sirius has broken up with her because she was making a pass at me, so I don't see why everyone always has to assume that I'm the bad guy."

"He broke up with her?" asked Harry, looking astonished.

"This morning," said Ron. "Sirius popped by on his way to the hairdresser, and gave Fred and George and me the news."

"Weird," said Ginny.

"They were never really together for any real reason," said Ron. "She was half his age, but I think it had something to do with his money and her being part vella."

"Well, Fleur always worked on you," said Ginny.

"True," said Ron.

"So, Snape," Draco continued, and Harry could tell that this conversation was going nowhere good fast. "You never told us how exactly it was that you came upon banging Harry's mom."

"You are one slimy git, Malfoy," said Ron. "But this is actually one story I would like to hear."

"Was Lily Potter like Ginny?" asked Malfoy. "Did everyone get a go?"

"Malfoy, I am not opposed to staying in Azkaban," said Ginny.

"Point taken," said Draco.

"I don't think I should tell this story," said Snape. "It gives Lily a reputation that most people are not fond of believing. I'm sure they prefer the time-old classic tale of Lily and James Potter...the golden couple."

He said it with a lilt that made Harry annoyed, even if he couldn't explain it.

"Well, it's probably best that Luna and I be heading back," said Snape, and Draco looked disappointed. He wanted to know what it was about Lily that wasn't very flattering. "Potter, are you and Miss Weasley going to be returning with us?"

"Ugh," said Ron, looking disgusted. "I thought you weren't going to go back until the baby was born."

"The baby isn't going to be born for another five months, Ron," said Ginny. "That's plenty of time for me to be able to get settled."

"Yeah, get settled only to be rushed off to have a baby," said Ron.

"Ron, why are you being so difficult?" asked Ginny.

"He's just mad because we still have to stick around the house for a while," said a girl's voice, one that they all recognized, but no one was happier to see her than Ron.

"Hermione!" he said. "Where did you come from!?"

"The Knight Bus, prat," she said. "It's waiting for y'all, by the way. If you're going."

She looked a little red, and Harry had to know that she felt bad for leaving Leon alone with Ginny and Harry for a month or however long it had felt like. Really it was only about three days.

"We need to talk," she said, looking at Ron. "And we'll probably be seeing you soon."

"What do you mean, seeing you soon?" asked Ron. "We can't go back to Hogwarts for a year at least."

"I've been speaking to McGonagall about accommodations for us and the baby, and perhaps Ginny and Harry and their baby," said Hermione. "We'll work it out. You two, get a move on. Stan Shunpike is ready to go."

Harry and Ginny rushed off to get ready to leave, and carried their trunks outside, where Stan was nervously looking at his watch.

"Took the two of ya' long enough," said Stan, taking Ginny's trunk from her aggressively, but he still gave her a long hard stare before getting onto the bus.

"Where to?" he said.

"Hogwarts," said Harry, sitting down on the bed, and Ginny plopped down next to him.

"I can only take you as far as Hogsmeade," said Stan. "The Knight bus is forbidden on the school grounds."

"Fine," said Harry. "Whatever. Just, let's go!"

"Next stop, Hogsmeade," said Stan. "Take 'er away, Ernie."

They braced themselves as the bus started to roll and dart down the street. Ginny held on to Harry for dear life and Harry didn't even care that they had to walk to Hogwarts from Hogsmeade as long as they didn't have to be on that bus any longer than necessary.


	13. Madam Pince's Secret

Chapter 13

Harry and Ginny were not accommodated with private rooms as Hermione had told them they might. Instead, McGonagall looked at Harry and Ginny as they arrived and shook her head, muttering something about "people these days".

Harry and Ginny devoted themselves to their studies, ignoring various giggling and finger pointing. Harry found a note under a desk one day that was from Cho Chang to one of her friends, that shameless hussy Marietta Edgecombe.

_...thank God I broke up with him while I could. What if I had ended up like Ginny! Pregnant at sixteen? What a slut!_

Harry contained his rage and made a point of showing Ginny (and everyone else) over the next week at Hogwarts that when it came to the bare bones of it, he may have been the boy who lived but Ginny was definitely the catch. Ginny knew this. Harry knew this. She could leave him at any second—and probably should have, on a couple of occasions.

Ginny was a better student than ever, even if she occasionally was asked to opt out of certain things that they did in classes. She almost never took part in defense against the dark arts, for example, but it didn't really matter, because she had more experience with dark wizards than most people who taught the class. She didn't take divination anymore, mostly because it became Trelawney's favorite game to make up the future of their child. There was a nasty incident that McGonagall tried to keep under control, but Ginny couldn't even look at Sybil without exploding anymore.

They always sat by themselves now, however, but no one really bothered them about that. Seamus and Dean came by every once in a while, as did Luna, but mostly they stayed by themselves, or occasionally ate with a teacher. It was one of these dinners when they were sitting with Flitwick when McGonagall got into the conversation when they brought up James and Sirius and Peter Pettigrew and their abilities to change themselves into animals.

"That kind of transfiguration is dangerous," said McGonagall. "If you become something like that for too long, you can get stuck that way. My transfiguration into a cat was natural, but a change like Sirius', James', or Peter's is less stable. It's irrational magic. It's unbalanced. You can get lost in an animal."

Ginny and Harry were out walking in the courtyard, down close by the lake, when they came upon Firenze, who was always interesting to talk to.

"So, do you think that the other centaurs are ever going to invite you back?" asked Ginny, once they had come along to the subject of his fellow horsemen.

"I wish they would," said a shrill voice behind them, one that made both Firenze and Ginny bristle. Harry wasn't too fond of it either, but then again, he didn't have to put up with her like they did. He only had to see her when she cornered him in the hallway.

"Sybil?" asked Firenze. "Is something the matter?"

"Where did you put them, you meddling cow!" Sybil spat, looking more angry than Harry had ever seen her.

Firenze said nothing.

"You took them, I know you did!" said Trelawney, looking violent.

"I don't have any idea what happened to your cooking sherry," said Firenze, still sounding calm.

"See!" she said, pointing at Firenze, and staring Harry down, as if begging him to try and contradict her. "See! You knew what I was talking about, didn't you!?"

"Sybil, what is this nonsense?" said McGonagall, appearing in what looked like the nick of time.

"He—" Sybil stopped, and turned a little pink. "It is nothing that concerns you, Minerva. This is between me and this animal, and you need not stick your nose into everything."

"It would do you well to remember that she is also the headmistress," said Ginny, giving Trelawney a look that would have scorched butterflies.

"Perhaps if your cooking sherry is missing, Sybil, it is because you have already drank it all," said McGonagall.

"Don't insult me," said Trelawney.

"What's going on out here," said Snape, appearing, now that Sybil and Firenze were drawing an audience.

"Now, now, Severus," said McGonagall. "This doesn't have anything to do with you."

"SEVERUS!"

They all looked around widely, especially Snape himself, who looked around the courtyard, searching for the face that had just yelled his name. There were quite a few students now who were looking around, doing the same. They saw no one. Then Harry spotted her, standing by the door that lead from the great hall to the outside.

It was Madam Pince, the homely little librarian. And she looked mad.

"Severus Snape, you treacherous little snake!" she said, stomping into the courtyard. Students jumped out of her way, looking terrified. "HOW DARE YOU!"

Even Snape looked baffled.

"Excuse me—?" he started.

"Hey!" said Luna, coming out of nowhere. "You cannot talk to my husband that way!"

"Oh, shut up you little girl!" said Madam Pince, glaring at her. Luna backed away, looking scared. "This is between me and _you_."

Madam Pince was pointing at Snape, who still looked scared.

"Listen to me you slimy, sleazy, oily son of a—" she looked at Harry and Ginny, and stopped short. "I _DID NOT_ HAVE YOUR BABY!"

Snape stared at her for a minute, as if she was crazy.

"Yeah, _I know_," said Snape, giving her a disgusted look.

Madam Pince looked murderous.

"Really, Severus? Because that's not what you've been telling everyone, is it?" she said.

"I'm sorry—" he tried. "But why—I never—why do you—?"

"Oh my good lord," said McGonagall, hands clapping up to her mouth, which was hanging ajar. "Dumbledore, he—no experience as a librarian, and I always wondered—"

Madam Pince grabbed her wand and held it over herself, looking victorious. Snape looked scared.

"_EX ABSCONDITUS!_" she cried, and Harry could have sworn he heard a crack of lightning, although it was light not long before. They didn't know this, but back in her hiding place in Denton, Texas, Rebekah's computer exploded.

"Dammit," the girl muttered as she watched her computer spark and slowly die. "Foiled again!"

At first there was nothing, then suddenly, a pale fog grew around Madam Pince, and there was a bright light, and the old librarian began to change. It looked painful, and Harry started to wince, but then he couldn't believe his eyes.

It was Lily Potter. Evans. Snape. He didn't know. He was afraid to find out who, actually.

"Good heavens," said McGonagall, stunned.

"Lily," said Snape, astonished.

"Yes, Lily," said Harry's mum, alive and kicking. She stood there on the hill in what was once the librarian's baggy old clothes, but they now hung on her small frame that was so much like Harry's own.

Harry was certain he heard someone in the back catcall.

"Whoa," said Ginny, staring at her. "Check her out."

"What are you talking about," said Harry. "She looks just like you."

"Ugh," said Ginny. "Our faces are totally different."

"OW!" said someone in the crowd, who sounded suspiciously like Cormac McLaggen. "Shake what your momma gave ya!"

"Ok, ok," said McGonagall, as a riff broke out among the crowd. "Settle down, everyone. Lily, Severus, Mr. Potter and Mrs. Potter, will you please come with me."

"My son is married at sixteen," said Lily. "My life is officially over."

"Your life was supposed to be officially over about fifteen years ago," Snape sneered.

"Yeah, so you could spread malicious lies about me," Lily shouted.

"Listen to the two of you," said McGonagall. "Shouting at each other in the juvenile fashion you used to when you were teenagers! This is absolutely shameful! What kind of an example are you setting for your son!"

"Apparently I didn't need to set an example for him," said Lily. "He found somebody to impregnate anyway."

Harry felt himself blush. He had never really lived with a mother, and now one wanted to show up and control his life? What was she going to do? Ground her married, father-to-be sixteen year-old son? He had Mrs. Weasley for that.

"INSIDE," McGonagall snapped.

"You may want to wait a moment," said Firenze.

"What for?" asked McGonagall, sounding exasperated. She wasn't silly enough to not listen to a centaur.

"The other is coming," said Firenze. "The fourth of the faithful."

"The what of the what?" asked Harry.

"The last true marauder is on his way," said Firenze. Lily narrowed her eyes.

"The who?" she said, staring at the horseman. "You can't possibly mean...?"

"WAIT!" they heard someone call from the forest. "WAIT! HANG ON JUST A MINUTE, I'M COMING!"

"Oh God," said Lily. "After all this time?"

Snape looked like he was about to kill someone.

"JAMES!" Lily screamed. "IS THAT YOU!?"

"YEAH! IT'S ME!"

Harry felt his brain melt out of his head. Lily Evans and James Potter, the two people he always believed were his parents, and they weren't really dead at all.

Lord Voldemort—or Sebastian—was the worst Dark Lord ever.

James stumbled out of the woods looking dirty and somewhat like a wild animal, when it suddenly clicked in Harry's brain—he was pretending to be a deer. All this time, and he was wandering around campus looking like a stag.

"Call Sirius and Remus," said James from his safe place behind the trees. "And somebody find me some pants."

"Somebody get James Potter some pants!" said McGonagall. Cho was looking over the crowd to get a better look.

They were safe in McGonagall's office behind the barrier before Harry really had time to process what was going on. James and Lily were having a quiet argument in the corner, but he did not know what it was about. Snape was looking guilty.

"Sirius and Remus are on the way," said McGonagall, and Ginny and Harry sat down by the fireplace where they were out of the way. "I didn't tell them that you're here, yet, however."

"Good," said Lily. "They'll help us clear this up."

"Ok, well," said Ginny, sounding nervous. "We've been hearing a lot of different sides of the story, and I just would like to know—Harry and I would both like to know what is going on."

"What do you mean, side of the story?" asked James.

"No, well," said Ginny, sputtering, "well, a long time ago—before everything, last year—when Snape married Luna, he pulled us into the office and told us some stuff about you and something about the death eaters, and even how he supposedly saved you from the dark lord a long time ago. He said that you got pregnant but you didn't want anyone to know, because then you would be connected to Snape and it would put him in danger."

Lily shot Snape a scathing look.

"I don't know what the hell you were thinking," said Lily, "but you had better have an explanation."

"Lily, please," said Snape.

"Don't you call me Lily," said Lily. "Don't act like you know anything about me."

"Lily, maybe some of the things I said weren't true, but we did make love—"

"NO, WE DIDN'T," she shouted. "No, no, no, no, no, no. We NEVER did anything of the sort."

"Evans," said James. "Just let it go."

"No," she said. "I want to know what people have been saying about me since I've been trapped in the body and mind of that old bat. Look, you nutcase, I never had sex with you. EVER."

"Lily—" Snape tried.

"DO NOT CALL ME LILY," she said, going for her wand. "I don't know how the hell you got this idea into your head or who it was that you were really sleeping with, but it was not me. There is only one man for me. There was only one man I ever slept with."

Harry felt himself breathe a sigh of relief. Finally, the truth confirmed. James Potter was his father.

"Sirius Black," she said.

Ginny made a sound next to him that was halfway between a gasp and a scream.

"Oh God," she said, putting her hands over Harry's ears. He batted them away.

"Wait," said Harry. "_What?_"

"Harry, I'm sorry we lied to you," she said. "I'm sorry everyone lied to you. Even Sirius didn't really know the truth."

"But—" Harry said. "But everyone always says I look like James. _Everyone._"

"You have black hair, sweetie," she said. "And my mother had bad eyesight. Just because you wear glasses and have matching hair colors does not mean that you two necessarily look the same. Maybe they did recognize you, they just didn't recognize the _right_ you. They looked at you and thought James and really saw Sirius, but that's it, dear. That's the God-honest truth."

"But if I didn't sleep with you," said Snape, "then...who did I sleep with?"

"Beats the hell out of me," said James.

"Besides, James can't be your father," said Lily. "That's why the two of us made such a convincing fake couple."

"Why?" asked Harry.

"Because all Sirius knew is that James used to like me and that I had something to hide," said Lily. "But James needed another kind of protection. When we 'got married', it was the perfect way to—well—"

"I'm gay," said James quickly. Snape looked disgusted.

"Er, well, yeah," said Lily. "And getting together with me was the only way to give Remus the idea that it was over. It was the only way to protect him."

"And Sirius," said James.

"And you," said Lily.

Harry stared at them.

"So, let me get this straight," said Harry, rubbing his head. "You pretended to be straight so that people wouldn't know about you and Remus, and you pretended to be in love with James so that...?"

"So that Sirius' family wouldn't know about me," she said. "I wanted to marry Sirius. I still do, actually, but...the Dark Lord got in the way. And his mother got in the way."

"I still don't understand what you had to gain from this," said Harry, looking at James.

"Nothing," he said. "Except for my name. Except for Remus' safety. He was a werewolf, and even though things haven't really changed much, back during the war, people were worse than ever. They would kill anything that was different, and Remus was a werewolf. I left him for Lily because I knew that if I did, he would leave. He would go away to some place where he was safe."

Ginny was staring at the fire behind them.

"Harry," she said, sounding nervous. "I think someone's using the floo, get out of the way!"


	14. A Walkie Talkie in The Floo

Authors Note:

Hello, Harry Potter fandom! Kommen wir zum das Internets für dich! Sorry—anyway, so the school year is officially over, and two years later we are still working on getting the series finished. It shouldn't be long until we get to start Harry Potter: A Lifetime Original Trilogy!

To those of you who are still reading: Thank you! I wrote it, and I can't understand why you're still reading it.

To those of you who stumble across us...we can't even remember most of our storylines anymore, so it's all beginning to run together. That can happen, with a storyline that goes on for this long.

Anyway, so we're back and we've decided to give you an extra special update. You know what that means (bow-chicka-wah-wah!).

Chapter Fourteen: A Walkie Talkie In The Floo

Harry and Ginny got out of the way of the floo just in time for whoever was going to stumble through to not run into them. Which would have happened, had a person actually come through.

After the green flames died down and everyone had spent a minute or two coming back to their senses, they looked over at the fireplace, where a walkie talkie was sitting on top of the logs there.

"What is that?" said Ginny.

The walkie talkie beeped.

"It's a walkie talkie?" said Harry, going over to pick it up.

"A what?" asked Ginny.

"It's a, uh..." Harry trailed off, and went over to the fireplace to pick it up. He inspected it for a minute, hoping it wasn't another one of Rebekah and Alex's awful tricks, and pressed the button.

"Hello?" asked Harry into the speaker.

"Roger?" said Fred. "Copy that?"

"Shut it, Fred," said George, his voice blaring into the room. "You're pressing it wrong."

"No I'm not," said Fred.

"They can hear you!" said George.

"I told you not to mettle with muggle things!" said Pansy in the background.

"Muggle thing?" said Mr. Weasley, sounding less clear, like he was farther away. "Let me see it!"

"It's nothing, dad!" said Fred.

"Fred, you're still pressing it!" said George.

"I don't think it works the way you want it to work," said Pansy.

"I thought you said it was supposed to be like a muggle extendable ear type-thing," said Fred. "What's the matter with it? I can't hear anything."

"You're pressing the button!" said George. "Stop pressing it!"

"I'M NOT PRESSING IT!" said Fred.

"Actually," said Harry, pressing the button. "You are."

"Harry!" said Fred. "What are you doing in the headmaster's office? Shouldn't you be in the hospital wing?"

Harry could hear Fred and George and someone else (possibly Draco) laughing maniacally.

"Why would I be in the hospital wing?" asked Harry.

"Well," said George, taking over the walkie talkie. "Seeing as you end up in the hospital wing more than everyone else who has ever attended this school, if I was looking for you, I would have sent the walkie to that room."

"May I ask why you sent it here?" asked McGonagall.

"Minerva?" said Fred. "Is that you?"

"_Minerva?_" said McGonagall, looking insulted.

"Anyway," said Fred. "What's going on?"

"Is there a reason why you have sent this through?" asked Harry.

"No," said Fred. "We were just bored."

"Who is Fred?" asked Lily. "And who is George?"

"WHO IS THAT?" said Fred. "Because she sounds _hot_."

"That would be Lily," said Harry. "My mother."

"Bullocks," said George.

"LANGUAGE," said Molly, also in the background of what was most likely the burrow.

"I mean, no way," said Fred.

"Yes, it is," said Harry.

"What's happening?" asked Molly. "What's going on?"

"He says that is mum is there," said George.

"Liar," said Draco.

"Lily Potter?" said Molly. "I highly doubt that."

"Do you want to talk with her?" said Harry.

"I would, if she was there," said Draco. "Except she's been dead for sixteen years. I should know. My parents were overjoyed."

"Thank you," said Lily, grabbing the walkie talkie. "Hopefully I won't have to run into Narcissa again."

"Wait a minute," said Fred. "Let me come through the floo. I want to see this."

"Wait!" said Molly in the back. "I'm coming, let me go get my—"

And then their voices died, and the walkie went quiet.

"Molly Weasley," said Lily, shaking her head.

"You knew each other?" asked Ginny, looking back at Harry's mother.

"Only a little," said Lily. "Arthur and Molly Weasley, and Arthur's parents were about the only family in the entire wizarding community who didn't despise the Potters. And vice-versa, of course. But Molly already had three kids by the time I met her. We didn't mingle much."

"I see," said Ginny, and she shot Harry a look he couldn't translate.

Ginny pulled Harry away from the fireplace again and suddenly Fred stumbled through in a burst of green flames.

"Ooh," said Fred, when he finally straightened back up. "I hate that floo thing. Drives me crazy. And how are you today, my dear?"

He was staring straight at Lily, who just stared at him.

A few seconds later, Pansy and George, who were clinging to each other (for safety, not because they had any attachment to each other) came out of the fireplace as well. Draco came through after that, looking like going through the floo was something he did with ease (as he flipped back his hair and stalked out of the fireplace). Then came Molly, who still had a bowl full of cookie dough in her hands and an apron on.

Draco detached Pansy's hand from George's arm, and glared at her.

"You stay away from my twin," said Draco.

"Bite me," said Pansy. "If I wanted your twin, I would have already had him."

George got a sick look on his face, and turned away.

"What is going on? I can tell you three are Weasley's—hello Molly—and I know who you are," said Lily, shooting Draco a wary look, "but who are you?"

"Pansy Parkinson," said Pansy. "Sound familiar?"

"Yes," said Lily. "Never mind."

James was still standing in the corner, not saying anything.

"Oh," said Draco, noticing him. "More pureblood traitors. How exciting."

"Watch it, Malfoy," said Harry.

"What?" said Draco. "It's not like I care. My parents won't even look at me because of—well, him."

Draco pointed at George, who just wore an expression on his face equal to that of a person who didn't know what was going on or being talked about, even though he probably did. Playing it stupid was one of the things Fred and George were best at.

"Um," said Ginny, from the corner. "May I ask a question?"

"Yes," said Draco, as if he was the one giving out permission.

"Where are Ron and Hermione?" she asked.

"Oh," said Molly, and she walked straight back into the fireplace without saying another word, and went back to the burrow.

"She's sore on the subject," said Fred. "She doesn't like to talk about Ron and Hermione."

"Why?" said Harry.

"Because we can practically hear them all the time," said George.

"When they fight," said Fred.

"And when, you know," said George. "All the time."

"That's disgusting," said Ginny. "Isn't she pretty pregnant by now?"

"Never stopped anyone before," said Fred. "Apparently they don't care. At least before they used to try and make sure they were alone."

Harry shivered.

Lily through her hands up.

"I don't want to know anymore," she said. "I don't even know these two."

"Oh, you will," said Draco. "They're Harry's BFFs, right Harry?"

"What?" said Lily, looking back at him. "Your what?"

"They're my best friends," said Harry. "Ron and Hermione. Ginny is Ron's younger sister."

"Rocking the cradle," said Fred.

"Shush," said Ginny. "I act older than you do. And you, George."

"Don't take pot shots at him because he's gay," said Draco.

"Do you have to keep bringing that up?" said Fred.

"Just because it makes you nervous, doesn't mean everyone has to not talk about it," said Draco.

"Oh, enough!" said Lily. "I have been stuck in that woman's body for sixteen years, in these clothes, with all of the books and the dust and the children—can somebody call Sirius for me please!?"

"Oh," said James. "Right. Well, let's call Remus too, then, if we're going to be calling up old lovers. I have sixteen years of pent up sexual frustration from being a deer. They aren't monogamous, you know."

Harry shook his head.

"This whole time, Sirius has been my dad, and I didn't even know it," said Harry. "All those times I talked to him, and laughed with him..."

No one said anything for a minute.

"Oh, boo hoo," said Draco. "Slash my wrists and whatnot. Shut it, Potter."

"That's not funny!" said Icicle, from her place in the shadows. She glided out, showing herself to them.

"Whoops," said Draco. "Sorry. She's a lesbian, you know."

"What is normal around here?" asked Lily.

"Pretty much nothing," said McGonagall and she sighed. "You can thank Hermione and Ron for that. They started it."

"Way to displace the blame, Professor," said Harry.

"_Headmistress_," she snapped. "They're PREFECTS!"


	15. Quidditch Balls

Chapter Fifteen: Quidditch Balls

McGonagall made all of the people leave her office, and since half of them didn't know where to go, almost everyone (with the exception of Pansy and Fred, who flooed home) went to the great hall to eat.

It was there that Remus and Sirius stumbled into the great hall, looking confused, like they had been summoned, but they didn't know why.

"SIRIUS!" said Lily, and she was up from the table in a second, breaking a few glasses as she went, and knocked him over.

"_Lily?_" was all he could get out, before she was smothering him with kisses, and they didn't talk for the rest of the week. In fact, Harry didn't even see them until the next Wednesday. They came back to talk to him for about an hour, then they disappeared again.

Remus and James had a much more docile greeting. They seemed embarrassed, but it was obvious that they were both overjoyed to see each other. Draco didn't even have anything nasty to say, which was very rare.

But, like Sirius and Lily, they also disappeared after an hour, and Harry didn't see them until two weeks later. He didn't know why, even though he knew James wasn't his father after all, he still felt a strange connection with him.

He was actually more excited to see Ron and Hermione show up, with Hermione looking very pregnant, a few days later.

They walked into the common room, talking loudly, right in the middle of another argument.

"I'm just saying," said Ron. "I don't think we should have one kid named Leon and another named Leo."

"I didn't say Leo, Ron," said Hermione, dropping a tatty suitcase that was clearly a Weasley heirloom. "I said _Leonard_."

"Leon," said Ron. "Leonard. They're like the same name."

"Oh, but I promised my parents!" said Hermione. "And Leon and Leonard don't sound the same. They just look the same."

"Chances are, they're both going to end up getting called Leo," said Ron.

Harry wasn't involved in the conversation. He and Ginny were sitting at the table, working on some Potions homework, deep into their studies, when Ron and Hermione came in. He wasn't going to get involved intentionally, but if they asked, he was going to have to say that he was going to agree with Ron this time. As shocking as that was. He rarely ever went up against Hermione for any reason, just because she was so scary.

"Maybe we won't have to worry about it," said Hermione. "Maybe it's a girl."

"I don't want to think about it now," said Ron.

"I do," said Hermione. "We need to, anyway."

"Well, hello to you too," said Ginny, looking up from her book at last.

"Oh," said Hermione. "Hello."

"What's going on?" said Ginny.

"We're back," said Ron, throwing up his arms in triumph. "Finally. I couldn't stand to be around mum for one more second."

"Oh, shut your mouth," said Hermione. "She was awfully helpful with the baby."

"Where is the baby?" said Ginny.

"With Luna," said Hermione. "We saw her on the way in. She's babysitting for us for a while, until we're moved back in."

Suddenly, the portrait swung open again, and McGonagall was there, with an angry look on her face.

"You two," she said.

"Hello," said Hermione.

"You two are coming with me," she said.

"Why?" said Hermione, suddenly looking terrified. "Are we—Professor, we didn't—you can't suspend us!"

"I'm not suspending you!" said McGonagall. "I'm giving you your own rooms."

"Oh," said Ron. "Sweet."

"Where?" said Hermione. "Why do I have a bad feeling about this?"

"Well," said McGonagall. "They're a little dirty. Ginny, Harry. You had better come too. It's time."

"Wait," said Ron. "We're not going to have to share, are we? Because I'm pretty sure that's not going to work for me."

"Not like it'd stop you," said Ginny from her place at the table.

"I have an oogie problem with that," said Ron. "I'm not very classy, but I have my standards."

Ginny shook her head, and gathered up her books.

Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione followed McGonagall nervously, afraid of what they would find.

Finally they got to the end of a dark hallway, went up a flight of the changing stairs, and stopped at a door.

"I know where this is," said Hermione.

"How could we forget?" asked Ron.

"Are you joking?" said Harry.

"What?" said Ginny. "What is it?"

"This is the door to that place where they kept Fluffy," said Harry.

"Our first year," said Hermione.

"With the devil's snare," said Ron. "And the chess set. Is that still there, by the way? I've always wondered."

"No," said McGonagall. "And don't be silly. You're not living in that room where Fluffy was. It's in the back rooms, were I'm taking you."

"Back rooms?" said Harry. "That's comforting."

"Oh, let me show you before you start making judgements," said McGonagall. "Come on."

McGonagall led them into the room where Fluffy was kept. Of course, Fluffy was now gone, but there was an awful dog smell in the room. The trapdoor was gone.

"Where is it?" said Hermione.

"The door?" said McGonagall. "We got rid of it, of course."

"Why?" asked Hermione. "Nothing is down there, right?"

"Well," said McGonagall. "Mostly nothing. But the chess pieces are still there, and they've kind of taken on a life of their own. They get insulted when anyone interrupts the game. They'll stop eventually."

"That's cool," said Ron, looking at the floor where the door used to be. "I wish I could watch."

"That game nearly killed you, Ronald," said Hermione.

"So," said Ron. "Quidditch nearly killed Harry tons of times. He never stopped playing."

McGonagall led them across the floor, to a door that had been behind Fluffy the entire time, but they were not able to see it.

"Here," said McGonagall, and she opened the door.

Inside the first door, there was a little room that Harry guessed was supposed to function as some kind of common room. Except, there wasn't any furniture in it, or a warm fire, like the Gryffindor common room.

"What is this?" said Harry.

"Through the doors, there are rooms. Each room has it's own lavatory," said McGonagall. "This used to be a room for head girl and head boy. Until, well. That was a stupid idea, so the rooms fell into disrepair. But with enough magic, and hard work, the four of you can make it look nice again."

"The four of us?" said Ginny. "You mean you're not going to help?"

"Oh no," said McGonagall. "You got yourselves pregnant. I wash my hands of the situation."

"Who was the last person to live here?" asked Harry. "For curiosity's sake."

"Well, I'd rather not say," said McGonagall.

"Come on," said Ginny. "Tell us."

"Tom Riddle," she coughed, and then left the room as quickly as she could.

"Fantastic," said Harry, as soon as she had closed the door.

"Tom Riddle's room," said Ron. "That's fabulous."

- - -

"Hey Harry," said Ginny, coming into their room the next day. Harry didn't want to admit it, but it was nice having his own room, even if it did used to belong to Tom Riddle. "This came with Hedwig today."

Ginny was holding a video tape in her hands that was halfway unwrapped in brown paper.

"It's called Quidditch Balls," she said, frowning. "Is it for you?"

"I don't know of anyone who would be sending me a video tape," said Harry.

"It's got Oliver Wood's name written on the front," she said. "But it doesn't say anything else. There looks like another name, but I can't make it out."

"Maybe it's from Oliver, then," said Harry.

"For you," she said, and tossed it to him. "Do we know if anyone has a video player?"

"Video player?" said Ron, coming into the room. "What for?"

"Oliver sent us something," said Harry.

"Really," said Ron, going suddenly pale. "Oliver Wood?"

"Yeah," said Harry.

"And a video?" he said. "How curious."

"Yeah," said Harry, staring at him. Something was not right.

"I'm going to go get Hermione," said Ron. "Goodbye."

He closed Harry and Ginny's door.

"Well," said Ginny, lowering her voice. "We have to watch it now."

"He's going to go get Hermione," said Harry. "Who knows what's on that video."

"We need to find a tape player fast, then," said Ginny. "I'm curious now."

Harry locked the video inside his traveling trunk, and spent the rest of the day trying to help Ginny track down a VCR. Ginny had never seen one before, so it was difficult to describe what it looked like and what it did.

Finally, in the room of requirement (where most of the students lost things were located) Ginny found one. She also managed to dig through centuries worth of heirlooms, to find one.

"I got it, Harry," she told him quietly at dinner. "I locked it in our room."

That night, once they had finally gotten Hermione and Ron to stop badgering them for this and that, Harry and Ginny relaxed with a bowl of popcorn, dying with curiosity.

The movie started, and Harry noticed, although he did not tell Ginny, that the movie was not as well made as some of the ones out in the regular muggle world. She didn't know any different, so he let her keep watching, and didn't say anything.

Suddenly, some loud, cheesy music started to play. This was Harry's second warning, but he still didn't know what exactly was happening.

Oliver Wood appeared on screen. He was wearing one of the strangest outfits that Ginny had ever seen on any person, muggle or wizard.

"Angelina?" said Oliver Wood in the film.

"Oh!" said Ginny. "That was the name! I saw the A and the g-e-l, but I couldn't place it."

"Yes Oliver," said Angelina.

"I just wanted to come by and tell you, as captain, I think you did an excellent job out on the quidditch field," said Oliver.

"What is this?" said Ginny.

"I don't know," said Harry, but he had his suspicions. "I thought it was going to be like a documentary or something."

"What's that?" she said.

"It's a movie made about real things," said Harry. "Instead of actors, they just interview people and talk about stuff. Like quidditch."

"Is this a regular movie?" asked Ginny.

"I don't think so," said Harry.

"Thanks, Oliver!" said Angelina. The camera panned over to her.

Ginny gasped.

"Oh my God!" said Ginny. "What on earth is she wearing?"

"I think it's supposed to be a quidditch uniform," said Harry.

"Not any kind of quidditch uniform I've ever seen," said Ginny.

Angelina had about a mile of cleavage showing. Instead of quidditch trousers, she was wearing what appeared to be a quidditch skirt. She wasn't wearing any boots. She had about a pound of make up on.

The movie went on. Bad dialogue was exchanged. Harry winced. Ginny had a worse and worse feeling about it as it went on.

"I think I strained my back," said Angelina. "Could you check it for me, captain?"

"Oh Merlin," said Harry.

"Oh heavens," said Ginny. "Why is she taking that off? Why is he—"

They both stopped, and could only watch, as Angelina started to undress, and Oliver—well, they didn't want to think about that.

"Oh, gross!" said Ginny. "Turn it off turn it off!"

Harry obliged.

They sat for a few minutes in silence, and Harry cleared his throat.

"So that's why they didn't want us to watch that," said Harry.


	16. Many Deathly Returns

Author's note: You may be asking yourself why Alex and I are returning after almost two years of not writing chapters for Harry Potter: A Lifetime Original Sequel. Well, I have answers. And the answer to that question is not that one of us died in an Atlantic iceberg head-on collision. Also, the answer is not that we got hooked on drugs and then on phonics. The answer is not prison. The answer is that we got bored with Harry Potter. This is not the saga you were hoping for and I apologize for the both of us. But the good news is—we're back (maybe)!

Many Deathly Returns

After all of the recent excitement, the last thing anyone expected to happen at breakfast that morning was for more unwelcome visitors to arrive. Harry and Ginny were sitting wordlessly next to each other eating breakfast when all of the sudden they heard a crash—and screams, and then another crash, and more screams—coming from the Slytherin table.

"Oh, what the bloody hell!" Draco shouted.

Harry didn't make a habit of paying attention to the Slytherins, but this morning, he was too curious not to peek over his shoulder and see what was going on. Ginny, who was less curious, continued to read the Daily Prophet.

It had been a while since he last saw her, but Harry had known that his future daughter's face would be engraved in his memory forever. And now, inexplicably, his daughter was detangling herself from the Slytherins and helping a person he had hoped he would never have to see again to his feet.

"Oh god," Harry said.

"Did someone touch Draco's hair?" Ginny asked.

He grabbed Ginny's shoulder and shook it, commanding her to turn and take in the scene.

"Oh no," Ginny said, when her eyes locked onto her daughter's face.

"Sorry," Julia Potter said politely to the Slytherins she fell on as she helped her boyfriend up. A splotchy blush spread across her attractive face. "I must have tripped on my robes…"

"Weasley?" Draco snarled. "What the hell are you—oh bullocks…"

Slowly but surely, everyone was starting to realize who was just standing there in the great hall as if it was no big deal. Tom Riddle. Or, as he was known these days, Sebastian Mansfield-Stuer.

A high pitched girlish scream pierced the air.

"IT'S VOLDEMORT HARRY RUN RUN RUN!" Seamus Finnigan shouted when he was done screaming at the top of his lungs and then he turned and ran out of the great hall as fast as he could.

"Daddy!"

Harry, who had been watching Seamus make his escape, turned back to his seventeen year-old daughter.

Everyone was staring at him, and at Julia, and those who weren't utterly confused were snickering. Like Draco Malfoy.

"Only you could have a seventeen year-old daughter when you _are_ seventeen," said Draco, sneering at him. He turned back to Julia. "Now please, get out of my way."

He shoved Julia to the side and weaseled his way over to Sebastian's side.

"Hey there," he said. "The name's Draco, I'm a huge fan. I truly appreciate everything you've done for the pureblood cause."

"Well, I don't appreciate you pushing my girlfriend around," Sebastian snapped, and a low growl emitted from his throat. Draco took a step back.

Every girl in the room gasped.

"Girlfriend!" said Lavender Brown, looking at Harry. "But how can this be! Surely you wouldn't ever allow your own daughter to date the Dark Lord!"

"Actually, that's why we're here," said Julia, wringing her hands. She took Sebastian's hand and began to make her way over to the Gryffindor table. Everyone cleared a pathway for them that was about a mile wide. When they got to the table, Harry and Ginny scrambled off of the bench and to their feet so they could evaluate their daughter better.

Julia was almost identical to Ginny, except for her eyes, which were exactly the same shade of green as Harry's. Sebastian looked exactly like the Tom Riddle Harry remembered—pale and handsome, but eerily sinister at the same time.

"How, exactly, did you get here?" Ginny asked when Sebastian and Julia were standing right in front of them.

"With this!" said Julia, and she pulled a time-turner out of her robes. "Aunt Hermione is going to be really mad when she finds out I took it…"

"What about Hermione?"

Julia tensed at the sound of Hermione's voice, but when she saw it was only seventeen year-old Hermione and Hermione's seventeen year-old husband, Ron Weasley, she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh nothing!" said Julia, hiding the time-turner behind her back.

"No, not nothing!" Ginny snapped, and she snatched the time-turner out of Julia's hand.

When Hermione saw the time-turner, she gasped and her eyes lit up like a puppy's. She took a step forward, but Ron grabbed her arm.

"_No_," Ron said, and Hermione looked sheepish.

"Hey, give that back!" Julia said. "We'll need that to get back to our time!"

Ginny studied it, and then handed it to Harry.

"Hey, it's broken," said Harry. The largest ring around the time-turner had unscrewed on one side.

"I can fix it!" Hermione said, and she held out her hand.

"No!" said Ron. "I told you—no more time-turners!"

Hermione's hand dropped to her side and she pouted.

"Why isn't Hermione allowed to touch the time-turner?" Ginny asked.

"Long story," said Ron, shaking his head, "I'll explain later."

"But I can fix it," said Hermione.

"Remember what happened the last time you messed around with a broken time-turner?" Ron said. "No more time-turners! We made a deal!"

"Fine," she snapped, and took a seat at the table and started to eat breakfast. After a moment, he went to sit next to her.

"Sebastian," said Julia, "I must have broken it when I tripped and fell onto those Slytherins! What are we going to do?"

Sebastian smiled at her. Harry shivered with disgust and clenched his fists.

"Don't worry, I can figure out how to fix it," Sebastian said. "It'll be alright."

"Oh no," said Harry, shaking his head. "You're not going anywhere. You belong in Azkaban, and I'll put you there if it's the last thing I do!"

"Actually Harry, The Ministry of Magic does not recognize reincarnation," said Professor McGonagall, appearing behind them. "Even if you did go to the minister, there's nothing he can do about it!"

She smiled and continued on her way to the professors' table.

Sebastian smiled at him.

"Mr. Potter," he said, "I know that you and I had some differences in one of my past lives, but I can assure you, I'm here to make amends."

"You killed thousands of people," Harry snarled, "including my—!"

Harry hesitated when he realized that actually, he did not know anyone Tom Riddle had murdered in his past life, now that his parents were both apparently alive. Well, other than Dumbledore, but really, the old guy had it coming.

"Including your…?" Sebastian said, a smile curling on his pale lips.

"Well, I'm sure I'll think of someone eventually," said Harry, narrowing his eyes.

"Daddy, I need to talk to you," said Julia. She came up and put a hand on his arm, and a wave of fatherly affection ran through him. He suddenly had the desire to beat the crap out of Sebastian with his bare hands.

"Fine," he said to his daughter, before shooting another nasty look at Sebastian. "But I've got to go talk to McGonagall first."

Julia nodded and Harry turned to go speak to McGonagall at the headmaster's table.

"Professor McGonagall, may I speak with you?" he asked as he approached the table.

"Potter, I told you, the Ministry doesn't recognize reincarnation—there's no way to prove—"

"No, no, it's not about that," Harry said, interrupting her.

"Well, then what is it?" she asked.

"As you can see, my daughter is here from the future to speak with me," he said. "Transfiguration starts in ten minutes and I need your permission to be late."

"Well, it's nice of you to ask if you can be excused for once," said McGonagall, "but can't your chat wait until a better time? After all, her time-turner is broken, it's not like she's going anywhere."

"How did you know the time-turner was broken?" Harry asked.

McGonagall pointed at Professor Trelawney.

"She told me," McGonagall said.

"How did you know?" Harry asked.

"The inner eye—!" Trelawney said.

"Nevermind," said Harry, interrupting her. He turned back to McGonagall. "Please, Professor. This is important. My future daughter is _dating_ Tom Riddle!

"Harry, the Ministry doesn't—"

"I know!" Harry snapped, throwing his hands over his ears. "The Ministry doesn't recognize reincarnation, blah, blah, blah! I know!"

"There's no need to rude," said Professor McGonagall.

"Sorry," said Harry. "Professor, please try to see this from my point of view. My daughter is dating a person who is either Lord Voldemort's very close cousin or his reincarnated form or whatever! I have to go try to talk her out of this."

McGonagall sighed.

"Fine," she said. "But you owe me an extra essay!"

"Fine," said Harry, and he bounded down the steps back to his daughter and his wife. "Thanks McGonagall!"

"Harry Potter, I expect you to address me as _Professor_ McGonagall!" she barked. "Hogwarts does not revolve around you, you know!"

Harry ignored her and made his way back to Ginny and Julia.

"I'll talk to her," Harry said to Ginny. "Go to class. I can handle this."

"What should I do with Riddle here?" Ginny asked, shooting a distasteful look at Sebastian.

"I don't know," said Harry. "Drop him off in Snape's office, I'm sure they have a lot of catching up to do."

"Well, alright," said Ginny. She pointed a finger at Sebastian. "You. Come with me."

"Yes ma'am," he said.

"Don't ma'am me," she snapped. "You have a lot of nerve, you know. After what you did to me?"

"I'm sorry," Sebastian said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Well, let's review, shall we?" Ginny said, putting her arm around Sebastian's shoulder as she led him out of the room.

Ginny and Sebastian left for Snape's office, and Julia and Harry were left alone.

"Come on," said Harry. "Let's go out into the courtyard."

"Ok," Julia said.

As they made their way to the courtyard many Hogwarts students stared at Julia. Julia was similar to Ginny, but they weren't exact matches, and Harry sensed that the other Hogwarts students knew this. There was something softer and less assertive about the way that Julia carried herself compared to Ginny—it made Harry wonder what sort of parent he grew up to be.

Harry and Julia went out into the courtyard. They went to sit under a tree in the shade, and for a moment they sat in silence. Then Julia cleared her throat.

"Look, Daddy, I'm here because of Sebastian," she said.

"Yeah, I figured, since you brought him along," Harry said.

"The thing is, in the future, you kind of have a big problem with Sebastian and I," she said. "You don't want us to be together and you go to pretty extreme levels to keep us apart."

"Oh, I have a problem with it now," Harry said.

"I know," she said. "But the thing is...Sebastian isn't like Tom Riddle. There's a reason why the Ministry doesn't recognize reincarnation and the evidence is right in front of us. You won't listen to reason in the future so I decided to try and appeal to you here, when you're eighteen and hopefully a little bit more understanding."

Harry sighed.

"Look, I don't really know how to deal with this," said Harry. "I mean, I'm only seventeen too, you know. But fact of the matter is, up until about a year ago Tom Riddle was my mortal enemy. He tried to kill my parents, he tried to kill Ginny, and he tried to kill me about a million times!"

"I know," she said, "but that's exactly what I'm saying. He's not that monster. He's a different person now. He has mothers who love him…even though they're a little insane. He has me. Not only that, but there's also the prophesy!"

Harry narrowed his eyes.

"What prophesy?" he asked.

"The prophesy about Sebastian falling in love with me," she said, as if he should already know what she was talking about.

"There's a prophesy about Sebastian falling in love with you?" Harry said, incredulous.

"Yeah," she said. "We never got to hear the whole thing, of course. Trelawney made the prediction to Neville, and he forgot the whole bloody thing except for the very end. But it clearly says that Sebastian was destined to fall in love with the offspring of his former enemy. Actually, according to Neville it could have been me or Artemis, but Sebastian picked me because he liked how my hair smelled. That, and Artemis can be a tad intense."

"Are you kidding me?" Harry said.

"Why would I joke about something like this?" Julia asked.

"Ok, let me get this straight," Harry said. "You're dating him because of some stupid prophesy and because he likes how your hair smells?"

"Well, yeah," Julia said, frowning. "You can't control the forces of love, Daddy!"

Harry stared at her, wondering if people were going to jump out of the bushes and yell "Gotcha!" It never happened.

"Please tell me this is a joke," he said.

"Why does everyone always say that?" Julia asked.

"Julia, you had to know on some level that even as a seventeen year old I wouldn't approve of you and Sebastian," Harry said.

"Yeah, well, I'm sure once you get to know him you'll understand!" Julia said, quickly growing hysterical.

"No, I don't think I will!" Harry snapped.

Julia huffed and crossed her arms.

"Don't act like a baby," he said.

"Sebastian and I are in love and we're going to be together no matter what you say!" Julia screeched.

Harry sighed. It was going to be a long day.


	17. Harry's Blessing

Chapter Seventeen – Harry's Blessing

"So what happened after that?" Hermione asked.

Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione were all in the great hall eating dinner later that night. Julia and Sebastian were nowhere to be found. Harry hadn't seen either of them since his disastrous conversation with Julia earlier that day.

"I stormed off," Harry said.

"Well,_ that's_ mature," Hermione said.

Harry and Ron stared at her. Ginny looked impassive.

"What?" Hermione said.

"Well, what would _you_ have done, genius?" Ron asked.

"Well I wouldn't have stormed off!" Hermione said. "I mean, I know you're not happy about the situation but she is your daughter."

"Yeah, seventeen years into the future," said Harry. "I'm not even a dad in this time yet and she just shows up and bombards me with this crap."

"Well, it could be worse," Ron said.

Harry, Ginny, and Hermione all turned and looked at him.

"How, exactly?" asked Ginny.

"Well…she could be pregnant!" Ron said.

A look of horror came over Ginny's face.

"Oh my God," Ginny said, "what if Julia is pregnant?"

"I'm not pregnant!" someone behind them snapped. "That's not why Sebastian and I are together! It's because we're destined to be together!"

Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione turned to look at their eavesdropper, who happened to be Julia. Sebastian was with her and they were now wearing Hogwarts robes.

"Destiny?" said Ron with a snort. "Is that what they're calling it in the future?"

Harry pretended not to know what Ron was talking about.

"Why are you wearing robes?" Ginny asked.

"Professor McGonagall demanded that we attend class and wear robes if we're going to be here for a while," said Sebastian.

"Oh great," said Harry sarcastically. "You're going to be here for a while."

Julia narrowed her eyes and walked off towards the two huge doors leading back into the rest of the castle. Sebastian stayed where he was.

"Mr. Potter, Ms. Weasley—" Sebastian said, but Ginny interrupted him.

"We're married. It's Mr. and Mrs. Potter," Ginny told him.

"I kept my maiden name," Hermione said.

"No one cares," Ginny snapped.

"Sorry," said Sebastian, an impatient look crossing his handsome face. "May I speak with you both?"

"No," Harry said flatly.

Ginny looked over at Harry, and then stared at Sebastian.

"Fine," Ginny told Sebastian, ignoring Harry. "But you better make this worth our while, you know."

Sebastian did not respond.

Harry and Ginny got up from the table and followed Sebastian. No one said anything. As they walked to the courtyard, they gauged their classmates' reactions. Most people avoided eye contact with Sebastian and stayed out of his way, a couple of girls (and one boy from Ravenclaw) fainted, and a few Slytherins came to get autographs and were disappointed when they were all signed "Sebastian Mansfield-Stuer".

"Well, what did you think it was going to say?" Ginny snapped at Blaise Zabini. "'Keep it real, love The Dark Lord'?"

When they made it out into the abandoned courtyard, Sebastian wanted to walk down closer to the edge of the lake, but Harry refused to because he feared Sebastian was actually trying to kill them. Sebastian instead led them over to a couple of benches and Harry and Ginny sat down.

"Mr. and Mrs. Potter," Sebastian said, "I have to be honest with you."

Harry and Ginny shot each other a look.

"You're not actually in love with Julia?" Harry asked, hoping with all of his heart that this is what he wanted to tell them.

"No," said Sebastian. "I am in love with Julia. She is my only reason for living now."

A low sound, kind of like a growl, escaped from Ginny's throat. Harry shot her a surprised look, but it was as if she didn't even realize she had done it.

"Mr. and Mrs. Potter, the reason why Julia begged me to come here with her is because she wanted me to help her convince you that Julia and I should be allowed to be together," Sebastian said. "But the reason why I finally decided to come is because I—"

"What's going on!? Who's there!? I have a wand, you know, and I'm not afraid to use it!"

Draco Malfoy stumbled out of the bushes. He had dirt all over his clothes and his hair had leaves sticking out of it. Ginny shot to her feet.

"Draco Malfoy!" she barked. "Have you been cheating on George!?"

"What?" Draco said. "Why—?"

"Oh, I am going to kick your ass!" Ginny screamed, and her hand flew to her back pocket and she whipped out her wand.

"Hold it!" Draco said, throwing up his hands. "I wasn't cheating on anybody!"

Ginny wouldn't lower her wand. She continued to glower at Draco.

"Then what were you doing?" Harry asked. "And you'd better tell her before she blows you up."

Draco pulled a rectangular box out of his pocket and held it up for them all to inspect.

"What is that?" Ginny asked. "Some kind of freaky sex toy?"

"I'm gay, not a sexual deviant," Draco snapped.

"Actually, you're _bisexual_," Harry told Draco, and then he turned to Ginny. "Ginny, relax. They're cigarettes."

Ginny's arm dropped a couple of inches.

"What are cigarettes?" Ginny asked.

"They're little sticks you light on fire and suck on them," Sebastian said, and he mimicked smoking a cigarette with two fingers.

"Oh, so you smoke too?" Harry asked Sebastian.

"One of my mothers is a novelist," Sebastian said.

"What do they do?" Ginny asked. "I'm confused."

"Cigarettes are very unhealthy," said Sebastian. "They have nicotine, which is highly addictive, and they cause diseases such as cancer and emphysema."

Ginny put her wand back into her back pocket and she sat down, but she continued to glare at Draco.

"I still don't get why you were in the bushes," she said.

"You know, for a girl who has a father who is absolutely obsessed with every aspect of the muggle lifestyle, you really don't know anything about them," Draco said.

"And suddenly you're an expert?" she asked.

"I'm expanding my horizons," Draco said.

Harry coughed something that sounded suspiciously like "blood traitor".

"Why are you covered in dirt?" Ginny asked.

"I fell asleep," Draco said. "I guess that wasn't smart…"

"No one ever said you were," Harry said.

Draco frowned and sat down on the empty bench next to the one where Harry and Ginny were sitting side by side. Harry glared at him, but knew there was nothing he could do to get Draco to leave.

"Uh, excuse us?" Sebastian said. "We were having a conversation."

"I was here for the beginning I might as well be here for the end," Draco said.

Sebastian continued to stare at Draco, as if he wasn't quite sure what was going on and wanted to hex the blond-haired Slytherin, but he didn't.

"Anyway," said Sebastian, "the reason why Julia wanted to come see you is because she wanted to try to convince you of my…change of heart."

"Change of heart?" Ginny asked.

"Please, let me finish," Sebastian said.

Ginny rolled her eyes, but said nothing else.

"This is very important to her but it's especially important to me," said Sebastian, "because Julia and I are deeply in love and it's causing issues within our relationship. You see, at first, when y'all pushed her to break up with me it caused her a lot of stress."

"'Y'all'?" Harry said.

"Forgive me," said Sebastian. "I grew up in Texas."

Draco snickered.

"Just because we're in love doesn't mean she doesn't hear you," Sebastian said. "Every time you pressure her to end the relationship she has doubts. And I have to reassure her."

"Well I wish you'd knock it off," Ginny said.

"She isn't completely immune to your guidance," Sebastian said, ignoring Ginny. "Although that is the impression you have in the future."

Sebastian fell silent. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Draco sighed impatiently.

"Well, get to your point," Draco said.

"I will," Sebastian said, shooting a scathing look at Draco. For some reason, Harry had imagined that getting such a look from the Dark Lord would be a scarier experience. "The reason why I wanted to come and talk to the younger selves of Harry and Ginny Potter is because I needed to tell you that Julia is my past, my present, and my future."

Ginny rolled her eyes. Harry narrowed his.

"You better not mean what I think you mean," Harry said.

"I think he does, Potty old boy," said Draco as he pulled chapstick out of his pocket and began to gingerly apply it to his lips.

"I came to inform you that I intend to make a long term commitment to your daughter," Sebastian said. "And I would like your blessing."

After Sebastian said this, he fell silent. Harry's ears started to buzz.

"Well…no!" said Ginny.

"No," said Harry. "No bloody way."

"You would have had a yes from me, brother," said Draco.

"Hey, pretty boy, this isn't American Idol," Ginny snapped. "This is our daughter's future we're dealing with here!"

"You know what American Idol is but you've never heard of cigarettes? Merlin's thong! Look, we're talking about a daughter you haven't even given birth to yet," said Draco. "If I were you I'd just let your future selves deal with this mess."

"Well we can't just let our future selves deal with this because Sebastian and Julia decided to invade our perfectly peaceful life!" Harry said.

"I don't think peaceful is the word I would have chosen," said Ginny, "but there was definitely an invasion."

"I'm asking for your blessing for Julia's sake," said Sebastian. "I'm going to ask her to marry me whether or not you want me to."

Ginny shot Harry a look. Harry couldn't think of anything to say.

"This is really unfair of you, you know," Ginny said, narrowing her eyes at Sebastian. "I mean, not that you ever really cared about being fair. I just think if you were a real man you would have sucked it up and talked to our older selves."

Sebastian didn't say anything.

Draco started to laugh, slowly getting louder and louder and louder.

"Draco, I swear to god, if you don't shut up I will shut you up!" Ginny barked.

"I haven't talked to your older selves," said Sebastian. "Ever. Sue me. I was raised by a drunk novelist and whorish social climber. They have matching black cats and spend all of their free time watching Secret Life of the American Teenager. The only wizarding school in America is in Salem, and Rebekah doesn't like cold weather, so she wouldn't move there so I could go."

Ginny looked confused.

"Why would your mothers have to move so you could go to wizarding school?" Ginny asked. "My parents didn't have to move to Hogsmeade so I could attend Hogwarts."

"Because it's not like Hogwarts," said Sebastian. "In America, you either live in the Salem district or you homeschool."

"That is rabidly inconvenient," said Ginny.

"Tell me about it," said Sebastian. "I attended a large muggle school in Arlington, Texas. I went through regular muggle classes and received all of my other schooling at home. You—" he nodded his head at Harry, "—have been an Auror for sixteen years. Forgive me for recognizing when I'm outmatched."

"Which is another way of saying you're a chicken," said Draco.

Harry couldn't think of any way to argue with that.

"Not to mention, in the future you have a massive temper problem," said Sebastian. "You're all cheerful and good-natured now, but you need a massive attitude adjustment in the future."

Ginny studied Harry, as if wondering what would cause him to lose his cool.

"Look, I get it," said Harry, staring steadily at Sebastian. "But the thing is, I still don't trust you. No amount of convincing is ever going to make me forget that you tried to kill me like twelve times."

Sebastian sighed and said, "The Ministry—"

"Don't," said Harry, interrupting him. "I know the ministry's stance on reincarnation. I still don't trust you."

"So, oh great and magnificent chosen one," said Draco. "What are you going to do about it?"

Harry stared at Ginny, and then at Sebastian.

"Nothing," Harry finally said, after a long moment of deep thought.

Ginny looked confused.

"What?" she asked.

"If there's anything I've learned from Voldemort, it's that no good comes from paying any attention to a prophesy," said Harry. "If you—or Voldemort, or whatever—had just disregarded the prophesy about the one with the power to destroy the Dark Lord in the first place, I wouldn't have grown up in a damn cupboard. You can choose to ignore a prophesy, and if it's not meant to happen that way, it won't. If you're after my daughter only because of what some stupid prophesy says, then there's no way you can ever convince me that you're actually in love with her. So I'm going to do nothing."

Harry and Ginny studied Sebastian, but Harry could not interpret the handsome boy's cold expression.


	18. You Madam Are A Whore

Chapter Eighteen – You Madam Are A Whore

Over the course of the next few days, Harry found that the only place where he could concentrate on his schoolwork was in the library. Everywhere else in the castle people were laughing at him. In class, people whispered about him and his apparent unsuitability as a father. In the Gryffindor common room, everyone went on and on about Julia and Sebastian's excessive PDAs—PDAs that everyone except for Harry seemed to be present for. At least in the library, the students were quiet.

Harry was studying in an abandoned corner of the library—nearby the restricted section—when the chair next to him was pulled out from under the table. Someone sat down.

"Harry, I heard I could find you here," Lily Potter said.

"Mom," Harry said, "what are you doing here?"

"Well, McGonagall asked me if I wanted to resume my position as the Hogwarts librarian," Lily said. "I've been doing it for years, you know, so I might as well keep doing it. Plus it'll give me a reason to stay close to you during your last year at Hogwarts! We can really catch up and get to know one another."

Harry couldn't decide if he thought this was a good idea or a terrible one. On one hand, he had always wanted a mom, but with her there he was going to have to learn how to stay out of trouble _and_ the hospital wing.

"That sounds great," said Harry, hoping she couldn't tell from his tone of voice how uncertain he was about this.

"But that's not the only reason why I wanted to find you," Lily said. "We have some other things we need to talk about."

"Alright," Harry said, and he put down his quill and closed the book he was taking notes from. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Well, to start with, I'm sorry about the last couple of weeks," Lily said. "I know I haven't been paying much attention to you and so I'm here to make up for that."

"It's ok," said Harry. "I understand. You and Sirius have been apart for a long time."

"Well, so have you and I," said Lily sheepishly.

"That's not true," said Harry. "You were Madam Pince. We talked all the time."

"I yelled at you to not write in the library books," Lily said. "That's not exactly talking."

"You had your reasons," Harry said.

"Well, I don't really agree with you," she said. "But thanks for understanding."

They didn't talk for a moment. Harry had never thought it would be so awkward to have a conversation with his own mother.

"Well, speaking of Sirius," said Lily, "I know this is sudden, but I want to ask him to marry me."

Harry stared at her, at a loss for words.

"Do you think that's a bad idea?" she asked.

"No!" said Harry. "No, it's great! You and Sirius should totally get married."

Lily breathed a sigh of relief and smiled at him.

"Good!" she said. "I was so scared you would disapprove."

"Ah, well, who cares what I think?" Harry said. "If you love him you should be with him. You deserve to be happy."

Lily smiled at him. The awkwardness, it seemed, was suddenly gone.

"Speaking of Sirius, again," Lily said, shyly fiddling with her hair. "There's something else regarding Sirius that we need to discuss."

"Oh, you already told me he's my dad," Harry said.

"Well, see, that's the thing," said Lily. "He definitely would make a good dad. But…"

"But…?" Harry said. "What? He's not my dad?"

"Well, he definitely could be," Lily said.

Harry took a moment to let this sink in.

"Oh," Harry said. "_Oh_."

"Yeah," said Lily.

"So…who else was there? Who could my dad be?" he asked.

Lily winced. Harry knew this was not a good sign.

"Please don't say Snape," Harry said.

"Well…" Lily said, and trailed off.

"Oh no," said Harry.

"Snape really isn't that bad," Lily said. "I mean, he's really smart and really witty—"

"Well, that's a side of him I've never seen," said Harry.

"But don't get too freaked out," said Lily. "You see, I'm thinking the reason why you look so much like James is because—"

"Wait, you slept with James Potter too?" Harry asked. "Sirius and Snape _and_ James?"

Lily blushed and mumbled something inaudible under her breath.

"What?" Harry said.

"Maybe someone else too," she said.

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Who?" Harry demanded.

"Well, there's also a possibility that Lucius Malfoy—"

"Oh, _COME ON_," said Harry.

"Look, before you get all mad and judgy," said Lily, "you have to understand that it was a really difficult time for me. You see, two weeks before the beginning of my seventh year at Hogwarts my dad died in a car crash. I was in London with one of my old friends from Gryffindor when it happened. I was so devastated, I just didn't know what to do. I tried to find comfort in any source imaginable. And that included boys."

"But you didn't get pregnant with me until at least a year after you left Hogwarts," Harry said.

"Well, at Hogwarts I started with James," Lily said. "He'd been hitting on me for years and so I finally gave in and we started dating. My seventh year ended and our relationship wasn't going anywhere so I asked him if he wanted to sleep with me and he was reluctant, but said ok."

Harry had a feeling he knew where this was going.

"We did it, and he hated it," Lily said. "Two days later he dumped me and told me he was gay. He moved on almost immediately, but it wasn't that easy for me, especially because he moved on with one of my best friends. And so not only did he dump me and break my heart, he paraded around with his new boyfriend for everyone to see. It was horrible. I couldn't take it."

"So you slept with Lucius or Snape or Sirius next?" Harry asked coldly.

"Snape was next," Lily said. "He lived nearby and he hated James. We bonded temporarily over our shared dislike of James Potter. But when we were together…well, Snape isn't the most charismatic of people, and it was a problem, if you know what I mean."

Harry made a face. He made a mental note to ask Hermione if she knew any memory modification spells.

"After that it was Lucius," she said. "He was hot and definitely heterosexual. We only did it once and he escaped through my bathroom window right afterwards."

"Big shock there," Harry said.

"And then there was Sirius," Lily said. "It was so unexpected. I mean, it was so obvious…I should have seen it from the very beginning. You have no idea how much I wish I had."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, frowning.

"We were perfect for each other," Lily said. "I mean, his family disowned him and mine was falling apart. We were both outcasts—he because he was 'supposed' to be in Slytherin and me because I was a mudblood. When we left Hogwarts neither of us had any idea what we were going to do with our lives our where we were going to go, but we did have each other."

"I don't get it," said Harry. "Why did you tell me Sirius was my father if you didn't know for sure? You made such a big deal a couple of weeks ago about Sirius being the only person you ever slept with and now you're telling me you slept with three other guys all around the same time."

"Well," said Lily, scratching her chin, "I guess I thought I still needed to protect Sirius from the truth. I told a lot of lies back then, and I shouldn't have, but I needed Sirius so badly and I thought if he knew what I'd done he would think I was a bad person and wouldn't want me anymore. But then when we were reunited we got to talking and everything just started coming out. He told me I couldn't keep trying to convince him that he is your father when he obviously isn't."

"So then James probably _is_ my father," Harry said.

"Most likely," she said. "You do look a lot like him. And he's a really nice man, you know. After I got over our breakup we reconciled. We arranged a fake marriage to protect Sirius and Remus. He helped me keep you safe—well, as safe as possible—after the prophesy. He may not be the man I love but it was as if he knew from the very beginning that it was his duty to watch over you."

"Does Sirius know about Snape and Lucius?" Harry asked.

"He does now," Lily said.

"I still don't get it," said Harry, after thinking everything his mother had just told him for a long time. "It's insane. If you had just been honest from the beginning—"

"Well, learn from my example," Lily said, interrupting him. "I got caught in my own web of lies and I suffered for it. Dearly."

Harry couldn't argue with that.

Harry and his mother sat in silence for a little while. Harry thought about all of his potential fathers, including the most likely one, James Potter. He missed being able to think fondly about Lily and James. It wasn't that he didn't love his mother and father anymore, it was just different and confusing.

"Ahem," said a voice. "You madam are a whore."

"Draco," said Harry, rolling his eyes. "Where are you?"

Draco walked around the corner of the bookshelf in front of Harry. He looked bored and unashamed, as usual.

"If you don't stop spying on me, I'm going to start hexing you," said Harry. "I mean it."

"So you slept with my father," said Draco, and he turned his haughty gaze on Lily, completely ignoring Harry. He pulled a nail file out of the pocket of his robes and started to work on his nails. "Why am I not surprised?"

"It was once and it was a huge mistake," said Lily. "If I could take it all back, I would."

"Oh, no doubt," said Draco. "But I stand by my belief that you are still a whore."

"As if I cared for a second what you thought," said Lily, and she laughed unkindly. "You are just like him, you know."

"Oh, I beg to differ," said Draco.

"He's not nearly as annoying as he was when I first came to Hogwarts," said Harry.

"Thank you, Harry," said Draco, shooting Harry a look that was not particularly grateful. "Unlike my father, I've really come to appreciate muggles, mudbloods and blood-traitors! I'm dating a Weasley for Merlin's sake!"

"He's expanding his horizons," Harry told Lily.

"Well, I think you're a judgmental little prat," said Lily, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Lighten up," said Draco. "Look, I just came over to say that you might not want to tell people that stuff about shacking up with my dad."

"I was telling it to my son," said Lily. "It was a private conversation."

"Ok well, word to the wise? Next time you have a private conversation, go lock yourselves in a Gringott's vault," said Draco. "This is Hogwarts. Nothing is sacred here."

"Obviously," Lily said.

"As I was saying," said Draco, "it's not the best idea to spread rumors about my dad. He doesn't like it when people talk about who he has slept with. If my mom hears about this, she's going to lose it and all hell will break loose."

Lily sighed. There was no point in trying to reason with Draco.

Without another word, Draco turned and walked off.

"Do you think he went to go hide behind the shelf again?" Lily asked.

Harry shrugged.

"Maybe," he said. "Who cares?"

Lily shook her head.

"Well, enough about me and my past," said Lily. "And the Malfoy family. I hear you're having family problems."

"I guess you could put it that way," said Harry. "I personally like to call it the Dark Lord Issue."

"Have you spoken to either of them since the night they arrived?"

"No," said Harry, fiddling with his shirtsleeve. "Mostly I just try to avoid them. Which, actually, has been quite easy to do."

Lily nodded, but said nothing.

"He wants to marry her, you know," said Harry. "That's what he wanted to come talk to me about. He doesn't have the guts to say it to the older me so he came here with Julia."

"What did you do?" she asked.

"Nothing," said Harry. "I think nothing is the only thing I can do."

Lily frowned and looked confused.

"Why would you do nothing?" she asked.

"That's the only way to avoid a prophesy," said Harry. "You have to do nothing. If you act on what the prophesy says, it sets everything in motion. If you do nothing, it just sort of passes by. That's how I became 'The Chosen One'. Voldemort acted on Trewlawney's prediction."

"Are you sure that's how it works?" his mother asked.

"Pretty sure," said Harry. "At least, that's what Dumbledore told me."

"Interesting," said Lily.

"Do you think it's a bad idea?" Harry asked.

"Honestly? I have no idea," said Lily. "I never got around to the whole parenting thing. I got all confused when Dumbledore tricked me into thinking I was Madam Pince. I had fake memories of a fake woman's childhood and everything. You were just like any other student."

"Weird," said Harry. "I guess you're not much help either then."

"What does Ginny think you should do?" asked Lily.

Harry thought about this for a moment.

"You know, I never really asked her," Harry said.

"Well, maybe you should," said Lily. "I mean, she may not be a mother yet but she has a closer bond with Julia than anyone else. Maybe she has a few tricks up her sleeve."

"Maybe," said Harry. "I'll talk to her."

"Good," said Lily, and she clapped her hands together. "I feel so accomplished. I think I might have helped!"

"Oh Potter," said Draco, suddenly appearing around the corner again. "You might want—"

"Draco, I told you not to eavesdrop," said Harry.

"I wasn't!" Draco snapped. "Touchy. I was just coming to tell you that Neville Longbottom has just arrived and he would like to see you."

"Neville?" said Harry. "But he ran off with the Death Eaters. Ages ago."

"Alice and Frank's son ran off with Death Eaters?" Lily asked. "Now, I don't believe that for a second!"

"He didn't run off with the Death Eaters," said Draco. "Apparently he was _enslaved_. And by my parents too, as luck has it."

"Why does he want to see me?" Harry asked.

"Oh, I don't know," said Draco. The blond boy pulled a makeup mirror out of his pocket and used it to study his flawless teeth. "He said something about revenge."


	19. Captain of the Timeline Police

Chapter Nineteen – Captain of the Timeline Police

Harry made his way with Lily and Draco towards the Gryffindor Common Room, where Neville was apparently waiting for him and wanting revenge. While they walked Draco talked endlessly about how hot Neville now was.

"My mother is very good with hair," Draco said. "Neville looks loads better. He's probably lost like twenty pounds!"

"Draco, do you mind?" Harry asked.

"What?" said Draco, indignant. "I'm just making conversation."

"The only thing I want to talk about is why Neville apparently wants to get revenge on me," said Harry.

"Oh, I don't know," said Draco. "You know how Neville is."

"Well, it's been almost a year since I've seen him, so no, I really don't know how he is right now," said Harry.

"Harry relax," said Lily, "I'm sure he doesn't want revenge. Why would he want revenge? What did you do to him?"

"Nothing, that's precisely the point," said Harry.

Harry shouted the password at the fat lady and entered the common room. He pulled out his wand as he stepped through the portrait hole and took in the scene around him.

All of the Gryffindors were in a big circle around a chair by the fire.

"Harry's here!" someone announced, and the crowd split like the Red Sea.

Neville was sitting in the chair by the fire. He was surrounded by girls, namely Romilda Vane, Lavender Brown, and Parvati Patil.

Even Harry, who was 100% heterosexual, was rather surprised and confused by what he found. Neville was…attractive. His pudge had been replaced by muscle, and his chin was covered in stubble. Even though Malfoy had mentioned that Neville had been enslaved by his parents, Neville was wearing nice clothes, and seemed to be healthy, though perhaps a bit tired.

"Harry!" said Neville.

Harry held up his wand for protection.

"Hi Neville," said Harry warily.

"Harry, relax," said Neville. "I'm not a Death Eater. I was enslaved by the Malfoys."

"Draco said you wanted revenge," said Harry.

"Revenge?" said Neville. "Why would I want to get revenge on you?"

Harry dropped his wand and turned to glare at Draco.

"What?" said Draco. "I could have sworn I heard him say revenge."

"Get out," said Harry. "You're not even supposed to be in here."

Draco ignored Harry and went to sit down on the couch. None of the other Gryffindors seemed to have a problem with this, which Harry found quite annoying.

Neville got to his feet and came over to Harry, holding out his hand. Harry shook it.

Lavender, Romilda, and Parvati watched both Harry and Neville throughout this exchange like hawks. Not one of the girls blinked for about five minutes.

"Welcome back, Neville," said Harry.

"Thanks," Neville said. "It's good to be back. I hear you and Ginny got married. Congratulations!"

"Thanks," said Harry.

"I'm sorry I couldn't make it to the wedding," said Neville. "I was a little preoccupied…"

"Neville!" Lavender cried. "Tell him about how they made you work in the kitchen with the house elf!"

Neville turned and shot Lavender a confused look.

"Actually, uh, I think I'll hold onto that story for a little later," said Neville, nervously clearing his throat.

The portrait hole creaked as it opened once more. Harry and Neville turned to see who was entering the Gryffindor common room. It was Hermione, Ron, and Ginny. Ginny looked nervous but Hermione and Ron had their wands drawn.

"Hello Neville," said Hermione nervously.

"Hi Hermione, Ron, Ginny," said Neville. "You can put your wands away. It's fine."

Ron put his away immediately and Ginny breathed a sigh of relief, but Hermione was no so easily convinced.

"Are you sure?" she asked, but she stared quizzically at Harry.

"It's fine," said Harry, shrugging. He gestured at Draco. "This moron was going around telling everyone that Neville was back and that he wanted to get revenge on me."

"I can't help it if Longbottom mumbles," said Draco.

"I don't mumble," Neville said defensively. "Not anymore…"

"Look, Neville," said Harry, "it's really nice to see you again and we should definitely catch up later, but I need to talk to Ginny about something. It's really important."

"Oh, no problem," said Neville. "I understand. Lavender wants me to tell her about the Malfoy's peacocks."

Lavender made a peculiar squealing sound.

"Hi Neville!" said Ginny. "I'm so glad you're back!"

She ran over and gave Neville a hug. He thought maybe he was hallucinating, but Harry thought that the hug lasted a few seconds too long.

"Congratulations," said Neville, and he looked down at her growing stomach. "You're having a baby!"

Ginny blushed.

"Yeah, well…" she said, and she waved dismissively.

"Ginny," said Harry, and he came up and grabbed her arm from behind. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

She looked around back at Harry, as if just noticing he was there.

"Oh," she said. "Sure!"

They started to leave the common room, but when they got to the portrait hole, Ginny turned again.

"Bye Neville!" she said.

Neville waved.

Harry tugged on her arm and pushed the portrait open.

"Ouch," said Ginny, "stop pulling on me! I hate it when you pull me around…"

"Sorry," said Harry, letting go of her. "I just…I needed to you, and it's urgent."

"Geez," she said, rubbing her arm. "I'm in a delicate condition!"

"Sorry," said Harry again.

They started to walk back to their private rooms, which used to be Tom Riddle's old rooms, and while they walked Ginny gushed about Neville.

"I can't believe how different he looks!" she said. "He's lost all of that baby fat. And he looks good, doesn't he? Maybe the Malfoys weren't treating him so bad. I mean, I know his parents were members of the Order of the Phoenix but he _is_ a pureblood…"

When they got to their rooms, and Ginny was giving Harry a detailed description of Neville's hair, he finally felt compelled to interrupt her.

"Ginny, can we stop talking about how you totally have the hots for Neville Longbottom now?" He said dryly.

Ginny looked shocked and offended.

"I do _not_ have the hots for Neville," she said. "I'm just happy to see him, is all."

"Oh really?" Harry asked. A goofy grin spread across his face and he started to do a bad impression of Ginny's voice. "Oh, Neville it's _so nice_ to see you! Let's hug! Oh, I'm having Harry Potter's baby, but it's no big deal! Bye Neville! I love you!"

Ginny's expression slowly became sterner and sterner.

"That is not how I said any of that," she said. "I was just being friendly!"

"And handsy!" said Harry. "Merlin. Buy him a drink next time before you start feeling him up!"

Ginny glared and walked into the room she shared with Harry. He thought she was going to slam the door in his face, but she didn't. He followed her into the room, which was much warmer and tidier than he had ever imagined it could be. The fire was going in the hearth and it almost seemed like home.

"Well, what's this about?" she said. "You didn't pull me out of the Gryffindor common room so that you could yell at me about Neville, did you?"

"No," said Harry. "I wanted to talk to you about Julia and this Dark Lord situation."

"Oh," said Ginny, and she climbed up on their bed and lay down. "Well, what about it?"

"Well, I was talking to Lily earlier and she thought you might have an idea about what to do," said Harry.

"Lily?" said Ginny.

"Oh, right," said Harry. "Mom, I guess. I'm not really used to having one of those."

Ginny's expression finally softened when Harry brought up his motherless upbringing, which was partly what he was counting on. There was no method quite as effective for getting out of trouble as bringing up his "dead" parents.

"What did she think I'd have to say about it?" Ginny asked.

"She said that since you have a sacred mother-daughter bond with Julia, you might know what to do," Harry said.

Ginny rolled over and stared at the ceiling, apparently putting a great deal of thought into this.

"I don't know," Ginny said at last. "I don't have any experiences with prophesies—well, except for that Voldemort fetus one, but that was a bit different. If doing nothing will help prevent the whole Dark Lord issue, then I think doing nothing is the way to go."

Harry was happy to hear that she agreed with this plan, but it still didn't make him feel completely better.

"Although," said Ginny, interrupting his train of thought, "didn't Sebastian say something about how his mothers heard the prophesy?"

"Yeah," said Harry.

"When they hear the prophesy they're just going to go with their first impulse, right? They'll pick up Sebastian and get him as far away from Julia as possible, which will set the prophesy in motion," Ginny said.

"Hmm, I never thought of it that way," said Harry. "So what do you think we should do? Should we…talk to Rebekah and Alex?"

Ginny shuddered.

"I can think of like a million things I'd rather do than face those two again," she said.

"Yeah, I know," said Harry, "but I don't think we have a choice."

"I don't know, they're kind of stupid though," said Ginny. "What if they don't get it and they go running off with Sebastian anyway? I mean, if we tell them about the prophesy, there's no telling what they'll do."

Harry and Ginny thought this over.

"Maybe we could try and explain it to them how important it is for them to do absolutely nothing," said Harry. "We don't have to tell them what the actual prophesy is about…we just have to warn them about all of the terrible things that could happen if they don't do what we say."

"Either way, it's worth a shot," said Ginny. "If it means keeping Sebastian and Julia away from each other, then it's worth it."

"You're right," said Harry.

"The only problem is how are we going to find them?" Ginny asked.

"That is a problem," said Harry.

"Hey!" said Ginny, snapping her fingers. "We should ask Neville!"

Harry sighed.

"Ginny, why would Neville—?"

"Because he was enslaved by the Malfoys for a year," Ginny snapped. "And because the Malfoys are Death Eaters and Rebekah and Alex are Death Eaters so he might have some information!"

"Oh," said Harry, who was not so sure he liked what happened to his wife whenever she was around Neville and was in no hurry to bring him around again. "I guess he might."

"Oh, good!" said Ginny, who suddenly seemed very excited about tracking down Rebekah and Alex.

She rolled off the bed, sliding her feet back into her shoes as she came down onto the ground. She grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him out the door and back out into the hallway.

They were quickly making their way towards the Gryffindor common room when they heard their names being shouted from a staircase two stories below.

"Harry! Ginny! Are you going to Gryffindor tower?"

It was Luna. She was very, very pregnant, and she was trying to run up the stairs.

"Luna!" Ginny shouted. "Stop running!"

"I heard—about—what—happened!" Luna said through pants. "Ron—Hermione—I heard—that!"

Luna finally waved and stopped trying to explain it to them, as she was red-faced and she was quite obviously out of breath. Harry and Ginny waited for Luna to reach them, which didn't take long, because their staircase started to move so that they were stuck until it moved back.

When Luna caught up with them, she needed a few moments to catch her breath.

"I can't wait until these twins are born already!" Luna said cheerfully.

"Twins?" Harry asked.

"Two of them!" Luna added brightly.

Ginny and Harry shot each other a look, which Luna did not catch, as she was too busy looking around dreamily at all of the paintings on the castle walls.

"Luna, did something happen to Ron and Hermione?" Ginny asked.

"Oh, well, you know how your daughter and Lord Voldemort showed up here a couple of weeks ago?" Luna asked.

"Yes," Harry and Ginny said in unison. The staircase was almost back to its usual spot, which led to the platform where the fat lady was guarding Gryffindor tower.

"Well, apparently in the future they have some kind of wizard force—" Luna was cut off by the fat lady as the staircase slowed to a stop.

"To come after people who are abusing time turners, like little Julia and that charming young man—"

"Nitwit," Harry said.

"Sebastian is not—!" the fat lady said, but Harry interrupted her again.

"The password is Nitwit," said Harry.

"Oh, right," she said, and the portrait hole swung open.

Before they could see what was going on in the dim common room, Harry, Ginny and Luna could hear a conversation going on.

"—Look, the Ministry only gave me two weeks to find them so I need to get cracking now," a female voice was saying. "Last time I went looking for them it took me nearly a month to bring them back."

Harry, Ginny and Luna came into the room to see what was going on.

In the common room Neville's arrival seemed to be old news. He was sitting off to the side on a chair, surrounded by his harem of girls—Lavender, Parvati, and Romilda Vane. Draco was smoking, again, and Ron and Hermione were standing in front of the most impressive-looking woman Harry had ever seen.

The woman was dressed completely in muggle clothing—she was wearing dark jeans that clung to her every curve, black pumps, and a leather jacket. A Louis Vuitton trunk was leaning against the wall. If not for her wand, Harry never would have been able to guess that she was a witch.

Harry assumed by what he had heard and the way Ron and Hermione were looking at her that she was one of their various future offspring.

"That doesn't make any sense," said Hermione. "What on earth is the Timeline Force?"

The woman sighed.

"I am the Captain of the Timeline Police," she said, pointing at herself. "Lately—thanks to you!—witches and wizards have been abusing time turners, so it is up to me to go and find them and bring them back to their proper time."

Hermione and Ron shot each other a look.

"Holy Hippogryff," the woman said, "I was wondering when I would come across this problem."

"What problem?" Hermione asked.

"You'll get used to me in the future," the woman said. "I go back and forth all the time. It's my job. I go back in time and catch time abusers. I make sure they don't screw anything up."

"Excuse me," said Ginny, "can someone please explain what's going on?"

The woman turned to face them.

"Harry, Ginny," said Ron, "this is our daughter…Artemis Weasley."

Artemis regarded them coldly and then turned back to her parents.

"Mum, look, in the future," Artemis said, going on as if she had not been interrupted, "you create a new time turner that allows the owner to designate the exact time and place they wish to go to. You see, no one had much interest in the old time turners because it took so long to figure out how to get back to the time that they wish to change."

Hermione still looked confused, but seemed marginally impressed with herself.

"Take my moronic cousin and her boyfriend, for example," said Artemis. "They had to count how many times they'd have to wind the time turner in order to get to this moment. But with the new time turner, going back in time is much simpler, so people do it more often."

"I don't get it," Ron said.

Artemis sighed.

"So…what are you doing here?" Luna asked.

"I'm here for Sebastian and Julia, of course," said Artemis. "I'm going to drop them off back in 2012."

"And you're the Captain of the what now?" Ginny asked.

"The Timeline Police," Artemis said. "Minister Cormac McLaggen created the position for me."

Everyone turned to stare at Cormac McLaggen, who was standing by the stairs to the boys' dormitory with his arm around his girlfriend.

"Minister, you said?" Cormac asked.

"Yes," said Artemis, eyeing him with distaste.

"Awesome," Cormac said.

"I always knew you were destined for great things Cormie," said his blonde girlfriend.

"Shut up," Cormac said.

Artemis turned back to her parents.

"He has a bit of a crush on me so he basically lets me do anything I want," she said.

Ron balled his fists and turned to glare at Cormac.

"Well, where are they?" Artemis asked.

"Sebastian and Julia?" Hermione said. "No one knows."

"Merlin," said Artemis, "I was hoping they wouldn't have it yet."

"Have what?" Harry asked.

"The invisibility cloak," Artemis said. "Julia stole it out of your office."


	20. Fighting Elves With Elves

Chapter Twenty – Fighting Elves With Elves

Harry couldn't believe his ears. Artemis Weasley was explaining to him all about how Julia snuck into his office sixteen years into the future and stole one of his most precious possessions—James Potter's invisibility cloak.

"…that's how Julia and Sebastian are able to allude me like they do," Artemis concluded with a scowl.

"Harry, you never told me you had an invisibility cloak," Lavender Brown said. She glared at him through narrowed eyes.

"And why on earth would Harry tell you about his cloak?" Ginny snapped.

Lavender muttered something under her breath that Harry couldn't hear across the room, and turned back to Neville. Ginny glared at her, and grabbed Harry's arm territorially.

"Well…" Harry said, and trailed off. He cleared his throat. "Well, that certainly explains why everyone else seems to see them everywhere and I haven't seen them at all."

Hermione, who was tapping her foot and looked deep in thought, suddenly left Ron's side and came over to Harry.

"I was just thinking," Hermione said, standing up on her tippy toes to whisper in his ear, "that Julia might have your map as well."

"Oh, right," Harry said.

"What?" Ginny said, and Hermione repeated her suspicion in Ginny's ear.

Everyone in the room, including Ron and Artemis, were staring at Harry, Hermione, and Ginny curiously.

"Artemis, we need to talk," Harry said. "Why don't you come with us?"

Artemis stared at him, rolled her eyes, and put her hands on her hips.

"Fine," she said. "Cormac, get my trunk!"

Cormac McLaggen frowned, but apparently he didn't know how to say no to Artemis, or at least he didn't want to. He went over and picked up Artemis's trunk, which was apparently a lot heavier than it looked, because he almost fell over twice.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Artemis all departed, with Cormac taking up the rear. He heaved and bitched all the way to their rooms.

"You can't expect me to believe that a talented witch such as yourself doesn't know some kind of floating charm!" Cormac said, as he dragged the trunk into the Weasley-Potter common room, where he promptly dropped it. For a moment he stood there heaving, his cheeks flushed.

"Watch it—I have expensive equipment in there!" Artemis snapped, but then she snaked over to his side, lifted up his chin with her hand, and smiled at him. "Besides, I thought you'd be happy to help me out. You're so strong, I thought if anyone could handle it would be you Minister…"

Cormac grinned and his cheeks flushed even redder than they already were.

"Oi!" Ron shouted, and he pushed his daughter's hand away from Cormac's chin. He shot Cormac his iciest look. "That's enough of that! You can go now!"

Cormac frowned and started towards the door.

"And stay away from my daughter!" Ron called after him. "I'll be keeping an eye on you, McLaggen!"

Cormac grinned innocently as he stepped through their doorway, and then snapped it shut.

"Well, you certainly know how to lay it on thick don't you?" Ron asked his daughter.

"I have no idea what you mean," Artemis said.

"You can't seriously have feelings for that meathead!" Ron barked. "He's an idiot and he's way too old for you!"

Artemis sighed.

"We'll talk about this later," she said. "If you don't mind, I need to get to work finding Julia and Sebastian. I don't have time to stand around discussing Cormac."

Hermione cleared her throat nervously, and seemed to be having a hard time looking her daughter in the eye. Her gaze was rolling all over the ground and up the ceiling, but avoided Artemis's direction entirely.

"Well, back in the Gryffindor common room it suddenly occurred to me that Julia and Sebastian might have certain other magical objects of Harry's in addition to the invisibility cloak," Hermione said.

"Like what?" Artemis asked flatly.

Hermione looked at Harry, but he was busy studying Artemis's expression. She didn't seem curious, or surprised, or anything. She just looked bored, and this worried Harry.

"Artemis, I was just wondering," Ginny said, and she too wouldn't look Artemis in the eye, "when you were at Hogwarts, what house were you sorted into?"

"Slytherin," Artemis said.

Ron's eyes got so wide Harry was afraid they were going to fall out of his head.

"You were sorted into Slytherin?" Hermione said, and she was suddenly able to meet her daughter's cold gaze.

"I just said that," Artemis said.

Ron and Hermione stared at each other for a moment before Ron turned to their daughter and asked: "How?"

"I don't know," Artemis said, shrugging. "I mean, you're my parents. You tell me."

Harry cleared his throat.

"Quite frankly, I don't care what house you'll be in," he said. "Or, what house you were in, or however you want to say it. The magical object that Hermione is talking about is a…"

He trailed off again. It was hard for him to share the knowledge of his prized possessions with anyone, especially now that he knew his own daughter would steal his invisibility cloak some day in the near future.

Artemis was staring at him like he was mentally challenged.

"It's a map," Ginny said, finishing his sentence for him.

"What kind of map?" Artemis asked, and barely stifled a yawn.

"So you haven't heard of it?" Harry asked.

"I've never heard of any magical map, no," Artemis said.

"Harry, I think you need to show it to her," Ron said.

"Why?" Harry asked.

"Well," Ron said, scratching his neck, "it'll get Julia and Sebastian out of our hair a lot quicker if you do. Besides, Artemis won't try to take it."

Ron looked at his daughter.

"You wouldn't, right?" he asked.

Harry stared at Artemis, and wasn't so sure. She was, after all, a former Slytherin.

"No, of course not," Artemis said. "I'm not a thief like my moron cousin."

Harry wasn't so sure he liked the fact that Artemis was calling his daughter a moron, but at the moment he couldn't come up with any evidence that suggested his daughter _wasn't_ a moron, so he decided to let it go.

"Fine," Harry said. Without another word, he turned and went into the room he shared with Ginny, where the map was buried at the bottom of his trunk.

"This better be important," Harry heard Artemis say from the other room.

For a few scary minutes, Harry was afraid he wouldn't be able to find the map buried beneath seven years worth of daily prophets, homework assignments, text books, and dirty socks, but finally he found the Marauder's Map where it was tucked into the pocket of an old set of dress robes.

"Got it," Harry said when he came back into their common room. He took it over to the table and unfolded it. Artemis, Hermione, Ginny, and Ron all followed him over to the table and peered over his shoulder.

"Oh, great," Artemis said disdainfully, "an old, blank, _stained_ bit of parchment."

Annoyed, Harry tugged his wand out of his back pocket and pointed it at the Marauder's Map.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," Harry said.

Immediately the Marauders' greeting began to scroll across the paper, and when the greeting faded, they watched the castle appear.

Harry turned to glare at Artemis, feeling rather satisfied with himself.

Artemis was staring at the map. She did not blink for several minutes. All at once her expression was confused, overjoyed, and victorious.

"Great bloody Grindewald," she muttered. "Where did you get this?"

"Harry's father wrote it with some of his friends when they were at Hogwarts," Ron said.

Artemis pushed them all aside and picked up the map to give it a closer look.

"Merlin's boy shorts," she said, when she had studied the map ferociously for a few minutes. She whirled on Harry. "Do you have any idea what this means?"

"Yes well I've had it for several years, so I am aware of the map's capabilities," Harry said.

Harry shot a triumphant look at Ginny, who seemed confused and was mouthed "Merlin's boy shorts?" to him. Harry shrugged.

"This is a dangerous dark object," Artemis said softly.

Harry balked at her.

"No it isn't," he said.

"Yes it is!" Artemis snapped hysterically, but she quickly controlled herself. "In the wrong hands, it most certainly is!"

"Well, look," Harry said. "While you're looking for Julia and Sebastian, you can use the map. But you have to give it back."

Artemis looked like this did not please her, but after receiving one sharp look from Ron—who apparently was the only person Artemis listened to—she relented.

"Fine, I'll give it back when I'm done," Artemis said.

"And you promise you won't tell Julia and Sebastian about it?" Harry asked.

"Duh," Artemis said.

"Good," Harry said. "Now, if you don't mind, Ginny and I have business to take care of."

"We do?" Ginny asked.

"Yes," Harry said, "we have to talk to Neville remember?"

Once again, at the sound of Neville's name, Ginny seemed to brighten.

"Oh yeah!" she said, grinning.

"Try not to look too pleased Ginny, we are trying to track down the girls who tried to kill you last year," Harry said.

Ginny scowled at him.

"One more thing before you go," Artemis said, interrupting their argument before it could begin.

"What's that?" Harry asked.

"With the map I have an advantage," Artemis said, "but they too have one—your cloak. As long as they have the cloak, it'll be almost impossible for me to sneak up on them."

"So you want to borrow the cloak?" Harry asked.

"If you don't mind," Artemis said, but by the tone of her voice, Harry had a feeling she would try to take the cloak whether or not he said she could have it.

Harry turned and went back into his and Ginny's room to retrieve it.

When he came back out with the invisibility cloak Artemis snatched it from his hand.

"Thank you," she said, and immediately began to unfold it. Before she put the cloak on, she stood there admiring every inch of it.

"You have no idea how thrilling it is to finally have the upper hand," Artemis told them, just before she triumphantly vanished under the invisibility cloak. "For five years I've had to hunt them down using only revealing spells and detective work. I've had to skulk around England like a damn Muggle with a magnifying glass. Not this time."

Artemis vanished, and they heard footsteps, and they saw the door open and close seemingly on its own.

"Do you think she's really gone?" Ginny asked.

"Maybe," said Ron. "Who knows."

"I have a bad feeling about this," Harry said.

Hermione, Ron, and Ginny stared at him.

"All I'm saying is, I had better get my cloak and my map back," Harry told them with a sigh.

* * *

Talking to Neville about where to locate Rebekah and Alex turned out to be pointless, so Harry and Ginny went back to the library to think.

"You see," Neville had told them, "Lucius and Narcissa are really trying to walk the straight and narrow pathway these days. They're trying to severe their connection with the dark side. After the disaster last year Lucius decided that he's getting too old to be wandering around in the middle of the night in graveyards. They told Rebekah and Alex that if they ever show up at Malfoy Manor again they won't be shown any mercy."

It was nice to hear that the Malfoys were experiencing such a change of heart, but since Neville couldn't help them, Harry and Ginny needed a Plan B. Unfortunately, they couldn't think of anything.

"Maybe we could send them an owl," Ginny said. "Hedwig is a smart bird. I'm sure she'd know where to find them."

"Yeah, but I don't want anything to happen to Hedwig," Harry said. "And I don't trust Rebekah and Alex to be kind to my bird."

Ginny frowned.

"Well, there's got to be some way to reach them," Ginny said. "Surely death eaters can't have too many secret hideouts."

Harry shrugged.

"Oh for goodness' sake!" Hermione said, suddenly walking around a bookcase. "I'll help you find them!"

"Hermione, what are you doing here?" Ginny asked.

"I was over in the muggle studies section reading up on boy bands and I heard you talking about Rebekah and Alex," Hermione said.

"Why are you reading about boy bands?" Harry asked.

"Not important," Hermione said curtly. "What is important is locating Rebekah and Alex, and I think I have the solution."

"You do?" Harry and Ginny said in unison.

"Yes," said Hermione. "You see, the Christmas holidays are coming up soon, so I think this is the perfect opportunity for us to do some sleuthing around Knockturn Alley."

"But you're going to New York with Ron and Leon and your parents over the Christmas Holiday," Ginny said.

Harry looked at Hermione.

"You are?" he said.

"Oh, right," Hermione said. "I am. Oh well. You two can handle the sleuthing without me, can't you?"

Harry and Ginny shot each other a look.

"Well, I don't know," Harry said. "I mean, poking around Knockturn Alley could be dangerous and Ginny's nearly eight months pregnant now. It's not safe."

Hermione shot Ginny a peculiar look, as if she was annoyed with Ginny for being pregnant.

"Fine," Hermione said. "Then wait until Ron and I get back and we'll help you do the sleuthing. Surely if we explain things to McGonagall she'll understand why we have to miss a few days of classes."

"There's got to be an easier way," said Harry, studying the bookshelves shrewdly. "I don't know what it is, but something tells me that the solution is just staring me straight in the eyes and for some reason I'm not seeing it."

Harry yelped when he realized that someone (or something) _was_ staring at him. Through the bookshelf Harry could see a pair of enormous yellowish-green eyes.

"Dobby?" Harry said. "Is that you?"

Dobby came around the corner of the bookshelf sheepishly, like a child who had been caught stealing from a toy store.

"Were you eavesdropping again?" Harry asked.

"Dobby is sorry sir," Dobby said. "Dobby meant no offence, sir."

"Whatever," said Harry, waving this off. He was used to being eavesdropped on. "Dobby, I was wondering if you could help me out a bit with something."

"With finding the death eaters Rebekah and Alex, sir?" Dobby squeaked. "Dobby overheard you talking with your Miss Wheezy and your Miss Harry Potter."

"Miss Wheezy?" Harry heard Hermione say behind him, but he ignored her.

"Well, the thing is, we need to talk to them," Harry said. "And we don't know where to begin."

"It should be easy Harry Potter!" Dobby said. "The half-elves are dangerous but they're stupid, sir."

"That's what I'm counting on," Harry said. "Just, when you have some free time, do some snooping around. And let me know if you hear anything."

"Yes sir, Harry Potter!" Dobby said with a salute, and he vanished with a crack.


End file.
